I have been nominated for the Versatile Blogging Award by sexuallifeofawife http://sexuallifeofawife.wordpress.com/. This wonderful woman from the UK found my site probably because I had the word “sex” in one of my provocative titles, and thus, I have won her eyeballs forever (which I truly appreciate). I looked for the Versatile Blogging Award logo, and there weren’t many choices, so I went with the black teeshirt photo above because it’s tacky, tasteless, and will probably get more hits than the one below with the butterfly below, which actually made me throw up. But the colors were similar.
NOTE TO NON-BLOGGERS: The Versatile Blogger Award is the sexual equivalent of a Circle Jerk. We just all love each other that much.
I wasn’t going to accept this award (since it’s a nomination, it means they haven’t voted on it yet–but that doesn’t seem to stop everyone from calling it an award as soon as they’re nominated), but I didn’t want to look a Gift Horse in the Mouth. As we all know, there is nothing worse than having someone give you a horse, and then immediately looking in its mouth.
So I will accept the award/nomination. Here are seven fascinating things about me. I’m glad the rules dictate seven fascinating facts be listed, because I pretty much hit the wall after seven.
1) I was a mime in high school drama class. And yes, I will never be president. Ever.
2) I once wrote feature articles for LFP, or Hustler Magazine. I was young, trying to feed my family, and I made more money than the women in the centerfold. And No, I didn’t have to get a Brazilian.
3) I swam from Alcatraz to SF with my son. I ran the Bridge to Bridge in SF with my daughter. I could be in way better shape, but:
Washboard Stomach=True Narcissism.
4) I can build a house from the ground up.
5) I have failed at more things than almost anyone I know. I am the most successful failure most of my friends ever meet.
6) When I see a rock wall anywhere in the world, I pick out a rock and wonder what the person’s life was like that set that stone. Writing is like a drug to me. I cannot stop and it makes my heart pound.
7) I have four finished literary novels in my closet. Someday, after I’m dead, someone will find them, read them and say, “Wow, these things kind of suck.”
NOTE: My mother wants me to stop trying to sell my bathroom book “Toiletry from A to Z” and go back to writing prose. It is odd that many people are encouraging me to “Go Back Into the Closet”. I am Tom Cruise’s Reverse Doppelganger.
Now, my Nominations for the Versatile Bloggers Award. Remember, you don’t have to be Versatile. I mean, I won the Award/Nomination, and all I do is write about bodily functions and axioms:
Go check out this one: DOES WRITING EXCUSE WATCHING? Movies reviews, politics, humor that is so on the money. I love this site. IT’ IS GREAT. Fu*king guy is way funnier than me (NOTE: The letter that I replace with (*) is not a (c).
DOES WRITING EXCUSE WATCHING? http://joem18b.wordpress.com/- GO NOW!
speaker7 is TV angst and social commentary with a ‘tude and lampoons the ridiculous (and she has a lot of material to choose from). Watching the Today Show really helps. Wearing fleece also helps.
H.E. Ellis is the most kick-ass chick you will ever meet in bloggotown. She is who you want to be with on Survivor, but only if she’s your partner. Killer writer. (Will you fu*king by her book, dammit?)
http://heellisgoa.com/ GO NOW!
These are other people that follow me, and all of them are good. I wish I could critique them all but I work and this is lunch hour and I’m late already. So I nominate them all.
Thanks,
Les
bestbathroombooks 
You’re too awesome for words. It’s funny you mention Survivor, because my oldest was filling out a questionnaire for his senior yearbook and one of the questions was, “What is the one thing you’d want with you on a desert island?” He told me he very nearly put “Mom” as his answer, but figured it would just look wrong.
You raised a wise boy.
Les
Thank you for the nod. I wish I could share it with Matt Lauer for making me all I could ever be and more.
Your next literary novel should star a man named Matt who asks really good questions.
I’m impressed you can build a house, but even more that you were a mime. Here’s the thing though…can you mime building a house?
Yes, but I accidentally cut off my hand with an imaginary. saw.
Les
Meh, building a house from the ground up ain’t so hard. Try building one from the top down – now THERE’S a challenge! Though it will get you in legal trouble, as you will have to defy the law – of gravity. (There is no gravity – the Earth sucks! – Old Saying)
Congratulations on the award! And awesome accomplishments in SF – from my naval studies, I know the bay around Alcatraz ain’t just a big swimming pool.
And remember, whenever you read one of my wise-acre remarks and think “WTF?” – it’s all Frank’s fault. 😉
Frank!
Yeah, that water is fu*king cold! WTF?
Les
Hey Les … Alright .. There’s John again blaming me – and even does so on a day when I was unable to respond. Nonetheless, I look forward to checking out these blogs.
SO.much.respect. When you say stuff like ‘can build a house’ or…. ‘wrote for hustler’ , my mind=blown.
I love that you have “so much respect” and “wrote for Hustler” in the same sentence.
Les
What’s LFP? Don’t tell me if it’ll make the 1981-Angie gravatar blush. I second the nod to Speaker7 and now I’m definitely going to check out H.E. and the other fu*king guy.
*c
Larry Flynt Productions. Mom doesn’t know about that one. Somehow it got left off the resume.
Les
Okay, I’m still trying to see how the colors in both logos are similar but have come to the conclusion that this is another “guy thing” super power. That said, this post made me chuckle.”I have four finished literary novels in my closet. Someday, after I’m dead, someone will find them, read them and say, “Wow, these things kind of suck.” This one was priceless!
Oh, Bella. Sorry for the unclear writing. I meant the colors of the logo and my VOMIT were similar.
Les
“H.E. Ellis is the most kick-ass chick you will ever meet in bloggotown” This is rather true ahaha 😛 Thanks for the mention and a closet is a rather strange place to hide your novels ahaha!
Just got H.E’s book. I’m looking forward to reading it. Hope you get some new hits from the mention!\
Les