Ten Questions for Prospective Porn Stars

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UuCsA-cbGwwMy father says “There are givers and takers in this world” and he isn’t talking about Porn Stars, although, curiously, this axiom does apply to this subject like KY Jelly to a Flashlight (well, it’s not really a flashlight, but this is a Family Show).  So, because I have saved a life in the past (I gave someone the Heimlich Maneuver who was choking on a hotdog, which curiously applies to this subject both relating to the hotdog and me behind him with my hands on his breadbasket as the choked) but that’s not why you’re reading this.

You’re reading this because you want to read the Ten Questions for Potential Porn Stars that I have prepared below because I’m A Giver.  I was put on this earth to help the weak and less capable—and Potential Porn Stars.  So when one of my friend’s kids said she was thinking of becoming a Porn Star, I decided to write a list of Ten Questions to help her work through the decision-making process.  Please feel free to print these questions or add some of your own and put them on the windshield of anyone with one of those stupid-ass Porn Star stickers on their car.

So here goes:

1)      You know how when you find a toothbrush at the bottom of the garbage can, most people don’t want to start brushing their teeth with it?

2)      You know how bouncing up and down on a Pogo stick is fun– for about five minutes?

3)      You know how when you were younger and you thought you were killing it with your hair and clothes, but now when you look back at photos you realize you were an idiot?

4)      You know how the internet is called the World Wide Web because everyone in the world has access to it, including your math teacher?

5)      You know how if you ride a roller coaster everyday, by the third day you’re sick of it?

6)      You know how you see someone with a tattoo of a lightning bolt across his face and you wonder at what point he will realize that it doesn’t come off?

7)      You know how they say “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” but they don’t mention internal organs?

8)      You know how you go to Mt. Rushmore and you see those faces carved in stone and you think, “Okay, that’s cool”, but then you stand closer and look up Lincoln’s nose and there’s stuff growing up there?

9)      You know how the Romantic Hallmark Cards never have a picture of a guy delivering pizza with a broken zipper?

10)   You know how Bungee Jumping seems like an awesome idea until the cord snaps?

Man, you should have seen that hotdog fly out of his mouth.

 

www.bestbathroombooks.com

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About bestbathroombooks

I run a small publishing company and am presently seeking the funniest, coolest and most marketable ideas to sell in places like Urban Outfitters, Papyrus, college bookstores and independent bookstores in the Humor Sections. Contact me through this blog or better at www.bestbathroombooks.com. There are some talented people out there writing good, funny, conceptual books and blogging some funny stuff. I wish I had time to read more and write more. I have a day gig and do a lot of other things, but blogging helps me stay connected to my laptop and ensures sterility (due to EMF on my testicles) which is great because I've had enough kids. Les
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19 Responses to Ten Questions for Prospective Porn Stars

  1. Coming from you, that means alot.
    Les

  2. speaker7 says:

    I echo H. E. Ellis.
    This post is awesome.
    I’m happy I got to read it on the last day on earth.

  3. El Guapo says:

    Thank you. I’m going to call Hallmark to sell them my new line of Appliance Repairman/Plumber Valentines Day cards and retire off the proceeds.
    I’ll cut you in for 40%.

    And bungee jumping is definitely an awesome idea.

  4. But at least we were staring into the eyes of Matt Lauer.
    Thanks,
    Les

  5. Angie Z. says:

    I was going to write BEST. POST. EVER. But then saw at least one other person wrote it and I didn’t want to be totally unoriginal and irrelevant.

    But really. Best. Nice work.

  6. rantonit says:

    No , no , H.E. Ellis wasn’t kidding 😀 . Brilliant stuff! 😀

  7. kat says:

    Great post!

    I’m going to take that Porn Star sticker off my car right now.

  8. joem18b says:

    I don’t know anything about porn but the first thing I notice is, most of these questions apply to my sex life.

  9. You’re killing me Joe! We are the select few..1) .male bloggers,2) completely new to porn.
    Les

  10. hello, BBB… hey, am starting to think you’ve a rather smart yet cruel way of shooting down a perfectly good idea. why didn’t you just tell the person to go on right ahead and see for herself? 😉

  11. You’re right! Someone has to keep youporn in business.

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