Female Orgasm-Bring a Flashlight

Hey Guys.  Yeah, I’m talking to you.  I can do this because I’m not a woman, so I can’t be accused of cutting off your testicles.  Remember out on the schoolyard, there was that kid who was always bragging about how good he was on the skateboard?

What a badass!  Man, I can’t wait to see this kid flip it!  Then, after school, we watched him break his arm because he was worthless piece of dukey on his deck.  If this was you, the Bragging Dude who could not ride a skateboard (this being a subtle euphemism for being bad in bed), read further.  Women, you can lend credence or skepticism to this woman’s thesis about the validity of her claims.

Okay, this blog is about sex, not skateboarding—and more specifically— the female orgasm.  And because we at bestbathroombooks are based in the San Francisco Bay Area, we get female professors who like to talk about their orgasms in front of hundreds of people and make videos for me to pass on to you. 

You’re welcome.  God Bless you.  Good Day.

This woman, Nicole Daedone, went out on a date with a guy—ONE DATE mind you—and was so blown away by him and her orgasm that she started a business called “One Taste, dedicated to researching and teaching the practices of Orgasmic Meditation and Slow Sex.”

This is kind of like going out to dinner, having the best burger you’ve ever tasted and starting your own chain of McDonald’s.

That was a good burger.

She tells the story of her experience of meeting a man at a party.  Listen Guys (especially Bragging Skateboard Dude). This guy has Game, I mean like Bobby Brown when he was young and skinny and on lots of blow.  Check out the Mystery Man’s opening line:

Him: I’d like to introduce you to this sexuality practice.

Nicole: Huh?

Him: I’d like to introduce you to this sexuality practice.  Okay.  You are going to take off your pants.  And I am going to leave my clothes on.  And then you are going to lie down, and I am going to put all of my attention on you for fifteen minutes.

Nicole: Um, okay…

Him: And then, at the end of it, you’re free to go.

Yes.  This is how we do it in San Francisco people!  We own the skateboard!  We are Bobby Brown bleeding out the nose but feeling good!

Because posting a 15 minute video is rude and annoying, you can skip “the foreplay” so to speak (to 5:30 minutes), listen for two minutes and hear what happens.  I find this fascinating from about 20 different perspectives, but mostly because this woman (who I think is attractive and well meaning) believes that her experience will work for everyone.  It’s like when you go to the restaurant (we’re not at the burger joint anymore) and you ask the waitress:

 “What’s your favorite meal here?” 

Yes, she’s a vegan and she has a bad cold and she’s going to spit in your/her favorite dish in about five minutes, but you ask her this because you naturally assume she’s just like you (except for that painful looking tongue piercing).

Chili with strawberries DOES sound good-Hey, you want to come with me to see Manilow?

NOTE: You could also ask her what her favorite sexual position is, because that would probably be exactly the same as yours too!

Anyway, I believe Nicole Daedone makes good points, and I’m always trying to learn to ride the skateboard better.  In the video, she talks about the man using a flashlight and touching a certain part of the female anatomy at the “one o’clock mark”.  I can’t figure out if this is one o’clock according to her perspective or mine, so that means someone (probably the crappy skateboarder and not me) will be touching her at the “eleven o’clock” mark instead of the “one o’clock” mark.  It’s all kind of confusing but worth it if it inspires your wife or girlfriend to start her own business.

I’d like to close with an old chauvinistic joke that was probably written by that kid who broke his arm:

Neal: How do you make a woman have an orgasm?

Bob: Who cares?

Well, we at bbb care a lot.  And that’s why I am going to go buy a skateboard and flashlight and figure out how to read a clock.

It’s my perogative.




About bestbathroombooks

I run a small publishing company and am presently seeking the funniest, coolest and most marketable ideas to sell in places like Urban Outfitters, Papyrus, college bookstores and independent bookstores in the Humor Sections. Contact me through this blog or better at www.bestbathroombooks.com. There are some talented people out there writing good, funny, conceptual books and blogging some funny stuff. I wish I had time to read more and write more. I have a day gig and do a lot of other things, but blogging helps me stay connected to my laptop and ensures sterility (due to EMF on my testicles) which is great because I've had enough kids. Les
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16 Responses to Female Orgasm-Bring a Flashlight

  1. speaker7 says:

    If I had a nickel for every time someone said “I’d like to introduce you to this sexuality practice. . .”

  2. BuddhaKat says:

    I must admit – I became very interested in the difference between TED and TEDx… not quite what I expected, having seen Nicole do her thing before I even knew there was a TEDx…


  3. I am eagerly awaiting the moment when I am no longer in a NSFW environment and can watch/listen to this video… Curious.

  4. If only I had a penny for every time someone said at a party….. but then I did marry him.

  5. Two things:
    (1) I orgasmed at the sight of the opening picture of this article. Maybe Nicole should start there with her research.
    (2) If a guy took a flashlight to my vagina I would most definitely dub him “The Vagina Miner”

  6. aFrankAngle says:

    The following line made this post: “This is kind of like going out to dinner, having the best burger you’ve ever tasted and starting your own chain of McDonald’s.” From that point forward, the post became “Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions – all on a sesame seed bun.”

    On the video, the line “The stroke that couldn’t be taken back.” …. and her “change the world” concluding statements.

    Better yet – since you are in the Bay Area, I can’t wait to read about your attendance on one of her lectures. And yes – she looks better as a blonde.

  7. GingerSnaap says:

    Ummm, is it getting hot in here, or is just me?

  8. Angie Z. says:

    Personally, I liked the guy’s sexual pick-up line a lot better than, “Weren’t you in my third period Geography class?” I love that you ended with a line from skinny Bobby Brown on blow. That brought the house down.

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