Orgasms for Everyone!

Orgasm faceWhen we were kids, we learned about nouns.  Nouns are thingsAn orgasm is a thing that insurance companies like to call an intangible.  It’s nothing you can put in a cardboard box, but it’s important, like having the peace of mind that if Dad suddenly dies of a heart attack, Mom won’t have to go out and whore.

Orgasms, being intangible things, are the reason people originally came up with the word mindf*ckThe cavemen discovered this, and coined the word.  The original mindf*ck is when you are trying to have an orgasm but you can’t (because the Neanderthals are coming and you’re distracted).  The opposing mindf*ck is when you are trying not to have an orgasm but you do (much to the relief of the sheep).  One of my readers, sexuallifeofawife, an anonymous UK blogger, writes that her husband suffers from delayed ejaculation.  I knew of a man who said the only way he could reach orgasm with his wife was to fantasize that his wife was a woman who didn’t want him to have an orgasm.  Then he could reach his climax, knowing that he wasn’t supposed to have one.

We’ve come so far.

You’ve probably heard of this affliction-Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome– where the sufferer has orgasms all the time.  This doesn’t seem like a bad thing.  I guess it’s similar to being really, really rich.  After awhile, the money doesn’t mean anything and you feel empty and depressed that all you and your two sisters have is a reality show based on your giant ass.

Orgasms are something that occur naturally in the human body with just the right balance of mental and physical stimulation.  When humans are stimulated to orgasm, several things occur.  I’m not going to list them here because everyone knows what I’m talking about (except Dick Cheney).  

Is that my Pacemaker buzzing?

The most important thing to occur when you have an orgasm is the Orgasm Face.  Many of us have seen our spouse display the Orgasm Face, and some of us have actually had something to do with it.

IDEA: What if there was a website dedicated solely to the Orgasm Face?

I googled “Orgasm Faces”.  I think some of them are real, and some of them are pictures of a man getting his foot hit with a hammer.  But as the year ends, I think we should take stock of our lives, think back on all the orgasms we’ve shared and come together.  Because this is Christmas, and there’s nothing better than giving the one you love a toe-curling, heart-pounding, mind-blowing intangible.  And if you give your partner a really, really big one, the kids can play in the box.

I'm thinking of giving Dad some balls


About bestbathroombooks

I run a small publishing company and am presently seeking the funniest, coolest and most marketable ideas to sell in places like Urban Outfitters, Papyrus, college bookstores and independent bookstores in the Humor Sections. Contact me through this blog or better at There are some talented people out there writing good, funny, conceptual books and blogging some funny stuff. I wish I had time to read more and write more. I have a day gig and do a lot of other things, but blogging helps me stay connected to my laptop and ensures sterility (due to EMF on my testicles) which is great because I've had enough kids. Les
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11 Responses to Orgasms for Everyone!

  1. speaker7 says:

    I think you just found your next website venture…awkward orgasm-face photographs. I would say Dick Cheney’s O-face has to be the worst I’ve ever seen.

  2. He makes that face everytime he watches his water boarding videos.

  3. aFrankAngle says:

    Idea – Organism Face of the Week – a once-a-week post featuring a selected pic. Then again, is anyone suffering from delayed ejaculation really suffering?

    Merry Christmas Les. I invite you and your readers to visit and select a present under the tree.

  4. sexuallifeofawife says:

    Thank you for the raised stats Les.
    You are the first ever pinger of me!
    (Loved the pictures!)

  5. Angie Z. says:

    The last line was pure genius. Pure like the new fallen snow. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good intangible. Amen.

  6. I’m a genius like Ashton Kutcher is an actor. But thanks for the compliment! Merry Christmas to you too!

  7. rantonit says:

    Ahahahah XD funny shit! 😀 Merry Christmas Les! 😀

  8. mcqty says:

    Love it and love the idea of the new O-network… Oprah ain’t got nothing on your new O-network 😛

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