Vajazzle? Let’s Penazzle!

Adamsdaughter recently wrote a great blog about Vajazzling.   Now Penazzling, the male form of Vajazzling, is taking America by storm.  For those of you who are living under a rock (or not living in NY or LA) here are the four basic styles of Penazzle.  Remember, this is an evolving fashion trend that changes faster than Rhianna’s love/hate/love/hate/love/hate/love/hate/love/hate/love for Chris Brown.      

Popular with Vegans, rabbits and people who liked the TV show "Roots"

Great around the Holidays but sometimes too sweet to finish

On the Good Ship your tongue may turn blue

I saw something almost exactly like this in the Louvre (bathroom).

Since statistics prove all kinds of things no one would otherwise believe, I’ve listed some important ones below.  These statistics are true, as is everything written at bestbathroombooks. 

98.75% of heterosexual men are attracted to the vagina. (+/- 1.25% error)

Vajazzling makes about 100% of heterosexual men still attracted to the vagina.

83% of women think the penis is slightly uglier than the ass of a baboon.

Ranks slightly cuter than penis

Penazzling makes women 27% happier than when presented with a plain, un-Penazzled penis.

Penazzling makes women 93% happier when they are drunk.

Penazzling makes women 98.5% happier when they are totally hammered.

Penazzling dyes may cause impotence and shrink testicles in 57% of Penazzlers.

Angelina Jolie likes Brad Pitt’s penis Penazzled as The Plunger 40% of the time.

I also like him to Penazzle like a Camel

The Big Apple and the City of Angels have seen a recent 78% increase in Penazzling.

Big cities have 94% of the most important celebrity sex, thus the higher percentage of Penazzlers.

Zac Ephron Penazzles, thereby causing him to get laid 1000% more than he usually does, but he still thinks Demi Moore is creepy.

Yes, I was questioning my sexuality when I was Photoshopping this.

Penazzling has been hailed as one of the most important advancements in sexual relations, as almost 98% of women think the penis is now 2% less ugly than it was before Penazzling.

I hope you’ve learned something today and don’t act foolish when someone mentions Penazzling. 

I still can’t understand why I’m not getting paid for this.

www.bestbathroombooks.com

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About bestbathroombooks

I run a small publishing company and am presently seeking the funniest, coolest and most marketable ideas to sell in places like Urban Outfitters, Papyrus, college bookstores and independent bookstores in the Humor Sections. Contact me through this blog or better at www.bestbathroombooks.com. There are some talented people out there writing good, funny, conceptual books and blogging some funny stuff. I wish I had time to read more and write more. I have a day gig and do a lot of other things, but blogging helps me stay connected to my laptop and ensures sterility (due to EMF on my testicles) which is great because I've had enough kids. Les
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28 Responses to Vajazzle? Let’s Penazzle!

  1. H.E. ELLIS says:

    I like when the man uses stick-on rhinestones. You know, friction, and all.

  2. speaker7 says:

    This is not the first time I wish I had a penis.

  3. And when penazzling is combined with manscaping – oh, so hot!

  4. talker96 says:

    Been doing this for years, before someone even thought of a name for it even. The ones you posted are interesting, but the ladies seem to love the way I have mine. I call it the Top Gun, it’s an aircraft carrier complete with 2 jets that when prompted, take off into the air and begin to have a little battle.. It’s a much better design than my previous one, the Christopher Walken.

    • I guessed you were ahead of the curve on this one 96. What runs that thing by the way? Is it a small nuclear power plant? I find that fuel rods fit nicely into the urethra.
      And yeah. Christopher Walken.
      So 2011.

      • talker96 says:

        All I use are basic watch batteries that I took out of my old Fossil watches. Originally they were wind powered but the neighbors kept complaining about the noise(as did H.O.A., those guys are Nazis, how can they tell me what I can and can’t do in my own front yard?).

      • talker96 says:

        I’m working on a design now called The Magicians Code. It involves 2 lovely assistants(picked from the audience) a handkerchief and (when available) the Statue of Liberty. It’s taking some time to perfect but it’s gonna be awesome.
        Also, that was an extremely fast response, good to know your on point.

  5. Thypolar says:

    Reblogged this on Thypolar's Life Uncensored and commented:
    While I normally don’t make a habit of reblogging (never done it before) this post cracked my ass up. Considering the fact that it’s Monday and we could all use a good laugh, I thought I’d share 🙂

  6. El Guapo says:

    As to your last line, Hasselhoff needs to be your spokespenis for this.
    The money will just roll in.

  7. ryoko861 says:

    When the penis is errect you could Penazzle it in white with “NASA” going up the side!

  8. thegradgrind says:

    I think we all need to just leave ourselves alone! Take a look at my new article “to have hair or be bare?” on my new blog thegradgrind!

  9. *dies*

    ha ha h ah ahaaaaa!!!!!

    M.L.

  10. Thanks for the pingback! 🙂 If I had a peen I would totally penazzle!

  11. Angie Z. says:

    I once saw an informercial for the Bedazzler and thought, Gee, I guess I don’t really need rhinestones on my sweatpants, slippers and nursing pads, but this ad is so persuasive that I feel I must call that number and order it right now. When the Bedazzler arrives, I will get to work and have fun.

    It’s like deja vu all over again.

  12. Pingback: Who Died and made you Penis? | bestbathroombooks

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