How Racist is this?

Good news:  President Obama brings lots of people together in America

Bad news:  Lots of them are racists

We like to think we’re a colorblind society.  The people who claim to be colorblind are always white, and typically blame people of color for suggesting that they–the colorblind people–are racist.  It’s a pretty good argument, because very few people have the word racist tattooed to their foreheads.  And besides, it’s not really racism if it’s funny.  It’s just joking around and maybe dragging people behind a truck until they die.

In order to really understand racism, it helps to get into the minds of racists—which is pretty easy because there’s lots of room in there.  And the best way to get inside the minds of racists is to look at their phenomenal artwork.

Let’s start with something easy—watermelon.  The beginning racist starts with something seemingly innocuous, just a little fun and games so he can still go to church after he posts this on the web.  Even the racist likes watermelon, so how much could it hurt?  His kids think Dad is pretty clever.

Since that watermelon picture was such a hit, the racist hopes the kids will get a real kick out of this one.  Since all Negroes like fried chicken and grape soda, the racist’s next masterpiece really hits the spot.  As with all black men, Obama is after white women so the caption adds fantastic humor to the racism.  Mixing humor with racism makes hating people funny, which is the best way to hate people.

Here’s a funny play on words.  The alternate spelling for renig is renege.  What’s really funny about this bumper sticker is that it actually endorses Obama as President while hinting at the N word.  Hilarious!

See, renege or renig means “failure to carry out a promise”.  So if you say  “don’t renig” you’re saying “don’t not fail”, or, more simply, “Succeed in your Promise” in 2012.  It literally means “Re-elect Obama!”  kind of like saying “You aren’t not ignorant!”

Racists are funny and clever and really good with words.

Since the watermelon and the chicken worked so well, combining the two, along with old time “Black Face” shading and dialect really brings it home.  The kids will really find this one entertaining, and the fact that both stereotypes have been combined makes it what the racists like to call “stereo stereotyping”.  I hear you loud and clear, racists!  Lawdy, you’s funny!

Having pretty much depleted the food tool, the racist likes to turn to the next tool in his well-worn toolbox of three tools-cultural differences.  Who needs to get fancy?  Let’s dress the president in jungle bunny gear and make him look like a real ooga booga.  Since we all came from Africa, the racist is pointing out that he is more intelligent than he appears, as he has some knowledge of plate tectonics and migration theories of the human species.  He is aware that his ancestors were once hunters and gatherers too.  He is honoring the President while giving him a good-natured ribbing and hating him.

One of the great things about being a racist is that you can devalue people by comparing them to animals.  Hitler did it with the Jews.  He likened them to rats.  That’s pretty funny–people being rats. Oh, Hitler!

So here’s a funny example of using a monkey theme to suggest that our president has not developed into an actual human and has deficient or inferior brain capacity.  This photo was used in a real campaign and I’m sure lots of kids got to see it.  Since they probably don’t teach Evolution in the schools they attend, it’s going to be very confusing for them to understand how God intelligently designed a monkey who rules over their parents.

Sometimes the racist develops the ability to do two things at once.

Even his kids were amazed when our racist friend went to the mall wearing this teeshirt.  Two things happened:

1) It reminded those around him of our dark history resulting in civil war which eventually proved the practice inhumane and un-American.

2) He got his ass kicked.

Finally, there is the N word, which is the racist’s secret weapon.  He usually uses this word in private.  It makes him feel powerful.  Sometimes he forgets it’s his private word and he puts it on a sign outside his failing roadside business.  By using the N word he is suggesting that a man who lives in the White House is inferior, while he, the superior one, lives in a shitbox behind his failing roadside business.

Racists are funny, and we thank all of you for making us laugh.  We know your hate is what gets you up in the morning, and the last thing we’d ever want to see is you celebrating diversity or accepting people as individuals.

That’s what your kids are for.

About bestbathroombooks

I run a small publishing company and am presently seeking the funniest, coolest and most marketable ideas to sell in places like Urban Outfitters, Papyrus, college bookstores and independent bookstores in the Humor Sections. Contact me through this blog or better at There are some talented people out there writing good, funny, conceptual books and blogging some funny stuff. I wish I had time to read more and write more. I have a day gig and do a lot of other things, but blogging helps me stay connected to my laptop and ensures sterility (due to EMF on my testicles) which is great because I've had enough kids. Les
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15 Responses to How Racist is this?

  1. aFrankAngle says:

    Nothing like a humorous approach to make a sad commentary … and I can’t imagine the treasure chest of images you discovered.

  2. Elyse says:

    Bravo. Well done.

    I am so sick of these folks, pretending it is all in good humor.

  3. El Guapo says:

    If only #2 on the tshirt at the mall happened more often…

  4. If only these images were your invention to make a point. Sadly, most of them I suspect are not. Gad, when will these ignorant neanderthals get over themselves?

    Good job, but sad topic.

  5. No, I didn’t make any of these. There are hundreds of them on Google images. I guess it just takes generations to get over it.

  6. lezile says:

    Although racists are easy fodder, Truly Great Ass Kicking, Les. ((( : )

  7. speaker7 says:

    Wow. Yeah, I’ve got nothing.

  8. Angie Z. says:

    I’m so tired of the “Things XYZ people say” videos I want to vomit. The one I’ve seen the most is “Things white girls say”. Isn’t that cute? Those types of videos are probably like gateway drugs to blatant bigotry. I.e. “See? We’re white people? We can laugh at ourselves! Isn’t that great? Okay, your turn now, Asian woman who probably works in a nail salon.”

    How did I not ever hear about the grape soda stereotype? Did I miss the memo on that?

  9. Angie! I think the grape soda might be a reference to Jonestown Koolaid. Isn’t that funny? Not.

  10. - says:

    fantastic last line. fantastic.

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