Ten Super Logical Holiday Observations

I notice that songs of Christmas are played repetitively to the point where I am overly familiar with them.

I observe that, when shopping, I am slightly motivated by feelings of obligation.

When someone says, “Happy Holidays”, I notice I am not sure what they are thinking.

I see an imbalance of retail sales occurring during this period.

I notice the presence of large amounts of sugar-laden foods that I eat when not hungry.

I notice confusion as to whether real or artificial trees are better for the environment.

I observe people exchanging gifts during White Elephant gift exchanges and pretending to like their gift.

I observe children looking at the gifts under the tree and know this is better than after they open them.

I observe Jewish people getting together on Christmas day and pretending it’s just the sixth day of Chanukah.

I notice people trying to get along with family members that they would prefer not to have in the house.

Have a Reasonably Affable Time of Togetherness.







About bestbathroombooks

I run a small publishing company and am presently seeking the funniest, coolest and most marketable ideas to sell in places like Urban Outfitters, Papyrus, college bookstores and independent bookstores in the Humor Sections. Contact me through this blog or better at www.bestbathroombooks.com. There are some talented people out there writing good, funny, conceptual books and blogging some funny stuff. I wish I had time to read more and write more. I have a day gig and do a lot of other things, but blogging helps me stay connected to my laptop and ensures sterility (due to EMF on my testicles) which is great because I've had enough kids. Les
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18 Responses to Ten Super Logical Holiday Observations

  1. John Erickson says:

    The benefit of the artificial tree depends on the owner’s stinginess. On my father’s behalf, we have done quite well by the environment, considering the tree is only a couple years younger than I am! (Rapidly nearing the 5 decade mark, if you’re curious.)
    As for the retail sales, well, various authorities reported a massive surge of returns – BEFORE Christmas! Seems folks got buyer’s remorse right after Black Friday. Never a good sign – trust me, I used to work for a credit card processor, and the weekend after Thanksgiving was almost 40% of our yearly number of transactions processed.
    And on those dubiously positive notes, here’s hoping you, too, had an affable, if not downright acceptable, indefinitely defined holiday period! 😀

  2. joem18b says:

    I got a pretty good tree for free this year. The Christmas-tree lot was cleared out and deserted on Christmas day, but there was one tree left there on its wooden stand, so I just took it home and decorated it.

  3. rantonit says:

    In the desert….. it’s almost always artificial trees :p
    …though it’s a chilly 19 degrees in the morning (clesius ) .

  4. speaker7 says:

    I observe a lot of forced cheer and awkward hugs.

  5. aFrankAngle says:

    How did you get a video of me at my sister’s home?

  6. That’s funny Frank! Hopefully, you weren’t the one they prefer not to have in the house.

  7. sexuallifeofawife says:

    Hey Les, You may not want to hear this, but I have just nominated you for the ‘Tell me about yourself Award’
    Feel free to not respond and just leave it at that etc…

  8. Sophia, you are a sweetheart but I don’t know what all these awards even are (although that one sounds like a lot of telling of my personal (yawn) stuff).

    • sexuallifeofawife says:

      I guess all these awards (whatever they’re called) are just glorified chain mails to up your stats and blogging profile. Granted you do send them to people that you appreciate reading – so its ‘nice’ – but they do take some time to prepare etc I don’t think I will be able to accept any more awards (should I ever be nominated again!) in the near future for this time consuming reason.
      A lot of people read blogs because they are interested in personal stuff – including yours Les! But there are easier ways of getting it out there…(than accepting awards!)

  9. I probably don’t tell enough of the personal stuff for the true bloggers, but that’s not what I’m trying to do (I’m trying to make myself laugh, sell books and get the company name out). You put yourself out there pretty explicitly. It’s all differing styles. I think it’s good to mention other good blogs though, so I’ll probably try to do that in future blogs.
    Thanks for the thought! Have a great New Year!

  10. Angie Z. says:

    I observe a lot of useless crap purchased just for the purpose of having something to wrap.

    I always wonder if my Jewish friends roll their eyes at my happy holidays sign-off. Like if I were them, I’d be thinking come on now — you’re saying happy holidays but you really mean it as code for merry christmas.

  11. Nah, Angie. We don’t roll our eyes at you. It’s the zombies in the Target that are obviously not thinking about anything when they drone the phrase.
    I think anybody that gets happiness out of any holday deserves it. I just wrote that because my wife (who like Christmas songs) was playing the SHIT out of them and I was eating a cookie every five minutes for about two weeks. So I thought I would logically observe. Like a robot.

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