It’s Hump Day (that’s Wednesday in the US), and I spied this sign while driving up in the Oakland Hills. It’s not often you see a Pair of Uranus, but I did, so of course, I took a picture of them. I like to imagine what it’s like when people who live on Uranus x 2 are giving their address out. I wrote this very accurate re-enactment of a conversation between the resident of Double Uranus and a Pizza Establishment:
“Yes, this is Rod. Can you deliver a pepperoni pizza to my house?”
“Isn’t that what it says in the ad? That we deliver?” (I’m just having this guy be an a-hole because conflict gives a story deeper meaning).
“Actually, I got the number off of my Smartphone. So all that small print isn’t that readable.”
“Oh, you have a Smartphone. Wow. You’re a regular Buzz Lightyear.”
“Can I please just order a pizza?”
“I don’t know, can you?”
“Can I please speak to a manager?”
“I am the manager. Request granted. You didn’t say what size pizza.”
“Large.”
“You gonna eat this by yourself, Blimpyear?”
“The name is Rod.”
“Yeah, okay. So what’s your address Buzz?”
“It’s Rigid. My name is Rod Rigid.”
“Oh , I get it. This is a crank call.”
“No, that’s really my name.”
“It sounds like a fictitious name made up by an immature person writing a blog at Starbucks.”
“Well it’s not. Can I just get a pizza. With extra pepperoni?”
“Address.”
“That’s One Double Uranus.”
“Okay, I was kind of believing you up to this point, but I’m gonna have to hang up now.”
Click.
“Honey, the pizza man just hung up again because we live on Double Uranus Street. We never should have moved from Hairy Ass Way.”
And then I saw this car on my way down the hill:
Take your Hoarding on the Road!
Bumper stickers really work! Every one of these stickers stuck to the bumper!
Happy Hump Day
Les
bestbathroombooks 
I think you should pitch a reality television series about car hoarding. If you don’t, I will because that will be the greatest show of all time.
Great idea. I love those vans that have so much garbage on the dashboard the driver can barely see out. I’m going to take a picture of it and post it, and that will be the green light to start producing our show “Antique Road Hoarder”.
Les
Great picture. But the stickers should be on the front so you know whether or not you want to let the person in in front of you. I’m always annoyed to wave someone in only to realize that, based on their bumpersticker, they are an asshole.
Happy Hump Day to you too, Les.
Wow, I never thought of that before. Very smart.
That’s a great observation. You wave them on, and then you see they have a Sarah Palin bumper sticker. And then you have to ram the car off the road.
Les
Hillarious. You made my day. Thanks. – Joe
Joe! Have fun at the book signing. I hope it doesn’t snow on you!
Les
Rod Rigid on Double Uranus Way … No doubt a real story. This can’t be made up. I know it’s nonfiction. Meanwhile, in my area we do have the corner of Grin and Barrett. Yep! Well done Les.
We have to get a pic of that!
Les
Hey, those bumper stickers are serving a very important service – they are holding the car together!
True story – my first job, there was a manager, who had to travel a lot, whose name was John Smith. No joke. Worse than that for the poor secretary making the reservations? He usually traveled with his assistant manager, who was female. Our poor secretary had more trouble with reservation agencies over that! ;D
That is hilarious. John Smith? Really? Excuse me Sir, but we’re a high class establishment.
Les
Great pics! During the good ol’ solar system unit of 5th grade science class, I used to snicker when the teacher would pronounce it Urine-us. I thought THAT was the funny way to say it.
Years (many) later when I learned human anatomy, I realized it could actually be funnier than pee.
I love that you are so in touch with your urnine/pee. That is SO bestbathroombooks.
Les
Haha!! XD . Check out engrish.com.
Hah, hah! I don’t often laugh out loud when reading – especially when my husband is talking to me about radiators still being on… Uranus… uranus… I’m sorry, but I just can’t say it without giggling. Yes, my humor is very immature!
Oh, finding you funny isn’t going to be a compliment anymore is it?
It’s always a compliment that you find me funny–all laughs are good ones!
Les
nice. here’s an ad from one of my favorite agents:
“Practical family living in peaceful location. 3 bedrooms House for Sale. By Negotiation. 9 Uranus Avenue, Seven Hills, Qld 4170. Listed by LJ Hooker.”
Sign me up.
Les
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