Double Uranus Hump Day Pepperoni

It’s Hump Day (that’s Wednesday in the US), and I spied this sign while driving up in the Oakland Hills.  It’s not often you see a Pair of Uranus, but I did, so of course, I took a picture of them.  I like to imagine what it’s like when people who live on Uranus x 2 are giving their address out.  I wrote this very accurate re-enactment of a conversation between the resident of Double Uranus and a Pizza Establishment:

“Yes, this is Rod.  Can you deliver a pepperoni pizza to my house?”

“Isn’t that what it says in the ad?  That we deliver?”  (I’m just having this guy be an a-hole  because conflict gives a story deeper meaning).

“Actually, I got the number off of my Smartphone.  So all that small print isn’t that readable.”

“Oh, you have a Smartphone.  Wow.  You’re a regular Buzz Lightyear.”

“Can I please just order a pizza?”

“I don’t know, can you?”

“Can I please speak to a manager?”

“I am the manager.  Request granted.  You didn’t say what size pizza.”

“Large.”

“You gonna eat this by yourself, Blimpyear?”

“The name is Rod.”

“Yeah, okay.  So what’s your address Buzz?”

“It’s Rigid.  My name is Rod Rigid.”

“Oh , I get it.  This is a crank call.”

“No, that’s really my name.”

“It sounds like a fictitious name made up by an immature person writing a blog at Starbucks.”

“Well it’s not.  Can I just get a pizza.  With extra pepperoni?”

“Address.”

“That’s One Double Uranus.”

“Okay,  I was kind of believing you up to this point, but I’m gonna have to hang up now.”

Click.

“Honey, the pizza man just hung up again because we live on Double Uranus Street.  We never should have moved from Hairy Ass Way.”

 

And then I saw this car on my way down the hill:

Car with Bumper Stickers

Take your Hoarding on the Road!

 

Bumper stickers really work!   Every one of these stickers stuck to the bumper!

Happy Hump Day

 

Les

www.bestbathroombooks.com

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About bestbathroombooks

I run a small publishing company and am presently seeking the funniest, coolest and most marketable ideas to sell in places like Urban Outfitters, Papyrus, college bookstores and independent bookstores in the Humor Sections. Contact me through this blog or better at www.bestbathroombooks.com. There are some talented people out there writing good, funny, conceptual books and blogging some funny stuff. I wish I had time to read more and write more. I have a day gig and do a lot of other things, but blogging helps me stay connected to my laptop and ensures sterility (due to EMF on my testicles) which is great because I've had enough kids. Les
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19 Responses to Double Uranus Hump Day Pepperoni

  1. speaker7 says:

    I think you should pitch a reality television series about car hoarding. If you don’t, I will because that will be the greatest show of all time.

    • Great idea. I love those vans that have so much garbage on the dashboard the driver can barely see out. I’m going to take a picture of it and post it, and that will be the green light to start producing our show “Antique Road Hoarder”.
      Les

  2. Elyse says:

    Great picture. But the stickers should be on the front so you know whether or not you want to let the person in in front of you. I’m always annoyed to wave someone in only to realize that, based on their bumpersticker, they are an asshole.

    Happy Hump Day to you too, Les.

  3. joe mielke says:

    Hillarious. You made my day. Thanks. – Joe

  4. afrankangle says:

    Rod Rigid on Double Uranus Way … No doubt a real story. This can’t be made up. I know it’s nonfiction. Meanwhile, in my area we do have the corner of Grin and Barrett. Yep! Well done Les.

  5. John Erickson says:

    Hey, those bumper stickers are serving a very important service – they are holding the car together!
    True story – my first job, there was a manager, who had to travel a lot, whose name was John Smith. No joke. Worse than that for the poor secretary making the reservations? He usually traveled with his assistant manager, who was female. Our poor secretary had more trouble with reservation agencies over that! ;D

  6. Angie Z. says:

    Great pics! During the good ol’ solar system unit of 5th grade science class, I used to snicker when the teacher would pronounce it Urine-us. I thought THAT was the funny way to say it.

    Years (many) later when I learned human anatomy, I realized it could actually be funnier than pee.

  7. Haha!! XD . Check out engrish.com.

  8. Hah, hah! I don’t often laugh out loud when reading – especially when my husband is talking to me about radiators still being on… Uranus… uranus… I’m sorry, but I just can’t say it without giggling. Yes, my humor is very immature!
    Oh, finding you funny isn’t going to be a compliment anymore is it?

  9. It’s always a compliment that you find me funny–all laughs are good ones!
    Les

  10. joem18b says:

    nice. here’s an ad from one of my favorite agents:

    “Practical family living in peaceful location. 3 bedrooms House for Sale. By Negotiation. 9 Uranus Avenue, Seven Hills, Qld 4170. Listed by LJ Hooker.”

  11. Pingback: Turkeys Like To Laugh, Too « Danielle Heath

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