Politicians or Porn Stars: Who’s more Insane?

 

There’s nothing more fun than trying to figure out who’s more insane: Politicians or Porn Stars.  These two sets of freaks have always been linked by their first two letters—P and O–and a pun about fu*king and getting fu*ked.  And the fact that they’re insane.

There are legal definitions of insanity, and there are clinical definitions of insanity, but none of that matters.  As my crazy Uncle Cracker used to say: Crazy is crazy.

NOTE: He was crazy, so it’s hard to know exactly what he meant.

I think the best way to show you how insane Politicians and Porn Stars are is to give you some examples of how they think.  The amount of dildo- flinging and ball-banging going on inside their heads can be dangerous, so you may want to place a hockey mask over your face before reading further.

Are you all strapped up now?  Okay, I interviewed several Politicians and Porn stars.  I actually was going to drug them, but they were already on drugs, so I just put on the Brain Reading Apparatus (which looks like a hockey mask) and let the digital machinery fly.

Now I ask you to be the judge (and jury and executioner and hurry up because otherwise they’ll just keep doing the same thing over and over, hoping for different results), and tell me if these people are not truly insane:

Word Press Survey Results of the Thoughts of Politicians and Porn Stars:

“It’s all about jobs, jobs, jobs.”

“I want to dominate you, and do something that’s going to hurt you really bad.  You’re cool with that, right?”

“I love it when you watch me fu*k you.”

“Why don’t more people like me?”

“Man, that was good coke.”

“I’m like this because of my extra (large)(small) penis.”

“The lights are so bright, I can’t see.  I sure hope Dad’s watching.”

“If I just keep doing this, I’ll be all over the internet.”

 “It’s better if the people I’m fu*king are confused.”

“I hate myself.”

“It’s all over my face how dedicated I am.”

“I am the King of the World.”

“Is this the pill that makes me better when the camera’s rolling?”

“You know how many people I can fu*k at one time?”

“This is really hard work.”

“Can we take a break so I can fart?”

“I wish I knew how to do something else.”

“I don’t care if my breath is bad, I’m plunging in.”

“I’m probably going to die some horrible death.”

“If you take a good hard look, you’ll see I’m the one.”

“I do this better than anyone on earth.”

“My back and my knees hurt.”

“I’m bleeding from the rectum.”

Prediction:

Go ahead.  Laugh if you want to.  Make fun of them.  But these wonderfully Twisted Conundrums will be gone from the earth someday.  There will no longer be Politicians or Porn Stars.  I think computers (you may have heard of these powerful machines) will be programmed to look like them, but the people who program them will have a very hard time making them insane enough for us to like them.  Because, despite the way they do things that make us say, “Holy sh*t, these people are fu*king out of their fu*king minds, we’re all going to hell if it continues like this”, there is no algorithm to program a robot to be that loose in the motor mounts. 

It’s just impossible.

So savor the Politicians and Porn Stars like a fine wine grown from the rotting corpse of the Cocoa Puffs Bird.  These people are crazy, but they will soon be leaving.  And when they do, the world won’t be crazy anymore.

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Our New, Completely Non-Insane Video Featuring Joe with a Big Felt Pen (not a penis reference).  Happy Birthday Joe!