I live in the Bay Area. We just had a mass killing here in Oakland a few miles from where I work, so I thought I would address the gun issue.
We have a sh*tload of guns in America. I will try not to get too deeply into statistics, but I think sh*tload is a pretty accurate number. The NRA says that Obama is going to take American’s guns away which accounts for the huge spike in gun sales.
Guns are in our Bill of Rights, so there is no changing Americans having guns. Hey, Crazy Gun Nut Dude, I know the Zombie Apocalypse is coming, but guess what? No one is going to trick you out of your guns. They’re tricking you into buying more.
I understand that it’s an exhilarating feeling to be ready for the Zombies. That’s a great fantasy. But don’t worry, Guns are here to say. It’s like wine and the Bible. We will always have wine too.
QUESTION: If God smoked weed, would we have less guns?
Here in California, we have among the strictest gun laws in the nation. The NRA says these are crazy laws. Like for instance, we made it illegal to walk into a Starbucks with guns strapped all over you. I agree. This is a crazy law. There’s nothing that makes me feel safer than a guy filled with caffeine strapped with guns.
But we’re crazy here, so we made it illegal.
We have another law banning automatic weapons. Another crazy law. It’s legal to have semi-automatic guns. California just limited how many bullets you can spray at once. Why would we want the government to limit how many bullets we can spray all over the place? The Second Amendment specifically says we have the right to spray bullets.
The Crazy Gun Nut Dude is always asking questions like this:
How would you like it if someone broke into your house and killed your children and raped your wife right in front of you?
Thanks, Crazy Gun Nut Dude. That’s a question that I will have to think about for awhile.
Here’s a question I have for you:
How would you like to get run over by a car?
Before you answer, let me add that your kids are at home safely and your wife isn’t getting raped. She is just trying to figure out how to feed the family while you’re buying your fifth Uzi.
Don’t worry Crazy Gun Nut Dude. I know guns turn you on. You can collect as many as you want. But just be aware that you are a weirdo, as much as the guy who collects Pez dispensers. The difference is the Pez dispensers won’t kill you (unless you eat the Pez).
Crazy Gun Nut Dude says: They’ll take away my guns when they pry them from my cold dead fingers.
Hey Crazy Gun Nut Dude: When you’re dying from accidentally shooting yourself in the testicles, wouldn’t you like to be holding the warm live fingers of the one you love?
And now, an Original Music Video by the Author!