Rush Limbaugh is So Cool!

The Devil Incarnate

Rush Limbaugh has been in the news lately for calling this girl a slut and telling her to post videos of herself having sex on the internet if we, the American Taxpayer, have to pay for her contraceptives.

Most people don’t know who Rush Limbaugh is—especially if you’re under 50 and you’re not a white male and you don’t live in America and you are normal.  But Rush Limbaugh is a wonderful Talk Show Host for the EIB Network in America.  EIB stands for Elusive Itsy Boner (Rush Limbaugh is not known for his skill with acronyms).

This whippersnapper makes a lot of sense!

Rush Limbaugh is famous with angry old white men in their garages with the radio on.  They are usually working on models of boats and tiny cars and stuff.  He is famous with them because he says great things like:

“Obama is an egotistical blowhard who only likes the sound of his own voice.”

This black person scares me and I’m glad Rush is here!

This teaches everyone the true meaning of hypocrisy and irony all at the same time.  Not very many people can do this with one sentence, but Rush Limbaugh can.

Rush Limbaugh was addicted to Oxycodone, or “Hillbilly Heroin”.  In 2006 he was arrested for illegally acquiring these drugs and had to pay a fine.  How cool is that?  Rush Limbaugh has street cred like no other over-weight, impotent, small-penised white Radio Talk Show Host.

That’s one of the many things that make Rush Limbaugh so cool.  Another thing that makes him so cool is that he has been married four times.  So it’s pretty much confirmed that Rush Limbaugh is a lover, not a fighter.  He flunked out of college and was classified as 4-f because of a cyst on his butt so he never fought in Vietnam, though he criticizes any soldiers that don’t like the war now.  This is a picture of the cyst that got him out of Vietnam:

I wish I was making this part up…but I’m not.

Rush Limbaugh’s wives left him for various reasons as listed below:

Wife #1-Rush is shooting blanks—I’m new to sex, but isn’t that kind of small?

Wife#2-Rush’s small penis is unsatisfying and often flaccid when I can find it.

Wife #3-He’s fine except when he takes Viagra.  Then his small penis bothers me.

Wife#4-I’m still married to this guy.  Please DO NOT refill his Viagra prescription.

I swear to God, if you fill the Rx again, I’m so out of here

Rush Limbaugh works at a radio station in Florida.  Here’s a picture of him broadcasting.

If it was, like this big, I wouldn’t be so mad at Mommy for having me.

 Look how cool he is.  That microphone is gold-plated.  It’s almost like he has a gold-plated penis right in front of his mouth for the entire radio broadcast everyday.  I think he wishes it was a penis—his penis (x1000).  He would probably be in heaven then.

It just fills me with joy to have something so big and round in my mouth!

Here’s Rush smoking a cigar.  Rush likes to smoke the biggest cigars he can.  The bigger the cigar he can put into his mouth, the happier he feels.  He likes to open his mouth wide for the big cigars.  He likes to stretch his lips around the big cigar and then have people take pictures of him with the big cigar in his mouth.  I’ve never seen Rush Limbaugh happier than when he has a giant round thing like this in his mouth.  He just looks so happy and proud.

I bet he wishes he could smoke a gold-plated cigar shaped like his penis (x1000), but that would just be silly.

Rush Limbaugh is so cool.

I’m sorry to all the young people, white people under 50 and everyone else who doesn’t know who Rush Limbaugh is, because he’s just so cool.

Too bad he’s probably going to have a heart attack and die.

And now, an Original Music Video from the Author!

About bestbathroombooks

I run a small publishing company and am presently seeking the funniest, coolest and most marketable ideas to sell in places like Urban Outfitters, Papyrus, college bookstores and independent bookstores in the Humor Sections. Contact me through this blog or better at There are some talented people out there writing good, funny, conceptual books and blogging some funny stuff. I wish I had time to read more and write more. I have a day gig and do a lot of other things, but blogging helps me stay connected to my laptop and ensures sterility (due to EMF on my testicles) which is great because I've had enough kids. Les
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30 Responses to Rush Limbaugh is So Cool!

  1. Elyse says:

    You captured the man perfectly, the scumbag.

  2. Scumbag? Wait, I think he’s totally cool! I mean, Totally!

  3. Such an excellent post! How wrong is it that I think the prognostication in the last line can’t happen soon enough?

  4. Yeah, I know. But he’s so cool, his heart just can’t keep up.

  5. speaker7 says:

    You know what’s cool? This entire post.

    Thank you for pointing out the nearly nonexistent pee-pee that hangs limply between his fat, pimple-ridden thighs. I first thought the picture of the butt cyst was his face, but then I thought “wait–that’s way too attractive.”

    • That’s funny. I should have put a cigar coming out of there. Whatever, he’s still totally cool and I hope he doesn’t get fired this week or die of a heart attack for at least another month until after he gets fired.

  6. talker96 says:

    I thought Limbaugh was a type of cheese…..silly me.
    One more thing, you realize that with H.E. Ellis gone for a while, you are supposed to take her place and post at least one thing a day for us to read. It’s in your contract if you don’t believe me.
    That being said, great post. I keep forgetting that you live in San Fran, this post reminded me that you do, so thanks
    (on a lighter note, the San Fran comment was in no way a stab at the more left leaning way of thought that makes up the heart of San Fran. Frankly, it’s what makes San Fran so damn attractive in my mind, well, that and that one road that is always in movies when ever a cool car chase is going on. San Fran is also the recipient of the Talker96 2nd most beautiful city in America award. It just barely lost out to Seattle(pretty). Still, San Fran should be proud.
    San Fran

    • Thanks for the tribute for San Fran, and thanks for not calling it Frisco. That’s what I call my frisky life partner.
      Also, since H.E. is gone for now, I have all kinds of free time. So I’m trying to find some new bloggers who are good and get my wife not to hate me for having comment conversations with women. Your suggestions are always welcome.

      • talker96 says:

        Wow! You have the same freakin problem I have with my girlfriend. Whenever we fight she will randomly pop in the fact that I talk to other women, then when I deny this to her she always mentions my convos on blogs. Its utterly untrue and ridiculous for her to say this but its her one mulligan I give her during the fights. It took 3 days of convincing her whenever H.E. started emailing me.
        Even longer whenever H.E. started sleeping over at my place.
        [That last one was a joke dear. If u read this…]

  7. joehoover says:

    I think I only know of him from an episode of Family Guy I saw, this post was far, far funnier!

    • Sorry, Joe. I don’t like to stray into politics because so many people–in America and elsewhere–don’t have any idea who I’m talking about. But I just felt inspired by that evil lady that wants to have protected sex and not get pregnant. That does make her a slut.
      Anyway, this guy is cool and has a tiny limp penis. You are missing a real national treasure this side of the pond.

  8. aFrankAngle says:

    Under normal conditions, I would say that Rushbo isn’t worth the time it takes to comment on anything he says or does, let alone the time it takes to write an entire post about him. However, after quickly pass my time allotment for him after the second sentence, your analysis kept me going. In end, I flashed back to wondering why femi-Nazi Daryn Kagan spent any time with him. Well done Les!

    • It’s always a tightrope, huh Frank? Giving children attention when they scream isn’t good parenting. But every once in awhile you have to take a couple of minutes with the paddle and smack their butt cheeks.
      Sorry about that picture too.

  9. Angie Z. says:

    Rush is like a big hairy tumor growing out of the ass of America.

  10. joe mielke says:

    Four different companies fired him today. They withdrew their advertising from the Elusive Itsy Boner network. Still not enough. Good post.

  11. joe mielke says:

    P.S. Why did he have his vagina sewed closed?

  12. No, silly. That’s the top of his buttcrack that got him out of the Vietnam war. He’s still brave though. He stands up to younger, smaller women all the time.

  13. Oh, Yeah! I get it! Ha!

  14. Gad, he is indeed cool when you put it in these terms. I am so sorry I have been hating him for so long (not).

  15. Pingback: Hall of Famous Turd | ramblingsandrumblings

  16. Brent Farsdale says:

    You gay critics are so acerbic! Reading your vitriol is like drinking vinegar on an empty stomach..I didnt learn much here, except it seems that showing pictures of stitched buttholes has its adherents. I bet you have quite a following!

    • Thanks Brent Farsdale! It’s great to have a gay friend weigh in on our superstar Rush Limbaugh. You can learn more by listening to Rush than me about vinegar and how women are whores and stuff. Glad you liked the stitched butthole, but then, knowing you, it’s no surprise. Thanks again for reading my blog. I look forward to reading and commenting on yours.

  17. Rush is the smartest guy in the room! Too bad you are soooo…..jealous and wish you had the intellectual capacity to comprehend the depth of his brilliance. As far as bathroom books, you can flush ’em!

    • I’m glad you read the post You’re Stupid (is that your screen name?). I would be jealous of a fat, drug-taking hypocrite but I have people like you to read my posts and carry on the mantle of ignorance.

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