Rush Limbaugh has been in the news lately for calling this girl a slut and telling her to post videos of herself having sex on the internet if we, the American Taxpayer, have to pay for her contraceptives.
Most people don’t know who Rush Limbaugh is—especially if you’re under 50 and you’re not a white male and you don’t live in America and you are normal. But Rush Limbaugh is a wonderful Talk Show Host for the EIB Network in America. EIB stands for Elusive Itsy Boner (Rush Limbaugh is not known for his skill with acronyms).
Rush Limbaugh is famous with angry old white men in their garages with the radio on. They are usually working on models of boats and tiny cars and stuff. He is famous with them because he says great things like:
“Obama is an egotistical blowhard who only likes the sound of his own voice.”
This teaches everyone the true meaning of hypocrisy and irony all at the same time. Not very many people can do this with one sentence, but Rush Limbaugh can.
Rush Limbaugh was addicted to Oxycodone, or “Hillbilly Heroin”. In 2006 he was arrested for illegally acquiring these drugs and had to pay a fine. How cool is that? Rush Limbaugh has street cred like no other over-weight, impotent, small-penised white Radio Talk Show Host.
That’s one of the many things that make Rush Limbaugh so cool. Another thing that makes him so cool is that he has been married four times. So it’s pretty much confirmed that Rush Limbaugh is a lover, not a fighter. He flunked out of college and was classified as 4-f because of a cyst on his butt so he never fought in Vietnam, though he criticizes any soldiers that don’t like the war now. This is a picture of the cyst that got him out of Vietnam:
Rush Limbaugh’s wives left him for various reasons as listed below:
Wife #1-Rush is shooting blanks—I’m new to sex, but isn’t that kind of small?
Wife#2-Rush’s small penis is unsatisfying and often flaccid when I can find it.
Wife #3-He’s fine except when he takes Viagra. Then his small penis bothers me.
Wife#4-I’m still married to this guy. Please DO NOT refill his Viagra prescription.
Rush Limbaugh works at a radio station in Florida. Here’s a picture of him broadcasting.
Look how cool he is. That microphone is gold-plated. It’s almost like he has a gold-plated penis right in front of his mouth for the entire radio broadcast everyday. I think he wishes it was a penis—his penis (x1000). He would probably be in heaven then.
Here’s Rush smoking a cigar. Rush likes to smoke the biggest cigars he can. The bigger the cigar he can put into his mouth, the happier he feels. He likes to open his mouth wide for the big cigars. He likes to stretch his lips around the big cigar and then have people take pictures of him with the big cigar in his mouth. I’ve never seen Rush Limbaugh happier than when he has a giant round thing like this in his mouth. He just looks so happy and proud.
I bet he wishes he could smoke a gold-plated cigar shaped like his penis (x1000), but that would just be silly.
Rush Limbaugh is so cool.
I’m sorry to all the young people, white people under 50 and everyone else who doesn’t know who Rush Limbaugh is, because he’s just so cool.
Too bad he’s probably going to have a heart attack and die.
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