You Look Just Like Me

This is me.  My wife took this picture for an NPR Perspectives I recorded in San Francisco.  I used to look better than this. 

Less wrinkly. 

But I look kind of familiar, don’t I?  That’s because I look kind of like a bunch of people.  I don’t think so–but plenty of people do.  They ask me if I work at their bank.  They ask me if my name is Frank.  They are sure they’ve met me before.  They ask this question:

Has anyone ever told you you look like ________________?

And here’s how they fill in the blank:

When I’m giving breast exams, they say I look like Dr. Dean Edell.

When I’m throwing the football or singing in the Mormon Church, they say I look like Steve Young.

Sometimes they say I look like Willem Dafoe.  He’s an actor with a bony face.  They think this is a compliment.

This is Lyle Lovett.  This is not really that much of a compliment.  My nose isn’t this big.  But he is talented and he did sleep with Julia Roberts. 

This is the guy from Glee, Mathew Morrison.  He is a dreamboat.  It’s okay if they say I look like Mathew Morrison.  Two women in the neighborhood have said this.  They were drunk. 

When I was about 21 I was playing in a band travelling around the US and up into Canada.  Along the way, believe it or not, I met some women.  A blonde in a red dress (she looked kind of like Heather Locklear in the TJ Hooker Era) asked me if I was single.  She told me I looked like her ex-boyfriend who she had just broken up with.  I told her I had a girlfriend, and then, just because I wanted to see if she was for real, I asked her if she had a picture of her ex. 

She told me she did. 

She pulled out her wallet and showed me a picture.  There, looking up at me, was me.  I mean, the guy looked just like me. 

It was freaky.

Soon Facial Recognition Systems will be refined and set loose on the internet.  And every one of you reading this is going to find out something you always knew but didn’t want to admit. 

You’re not the only one. 

There is someone out there in the world who looks damn near exactly like you. 

The entertainment execs will get a hold of this.  

We can make money, they will say. 

People can meet copies of themselves!  There will be a TV show voraciously hyped—but lasting only one season.  The executives will not have anticipated one important aspect of human behavior.

People want to believe they’re unique.

This show will subconsciously suggest otherwise.  The ratings will precipitously drop.  People will go into their bathrooms, stare at themselves in the mirror and begin to cry. 

They won’t know why they are crying, but the tears will come and come. 

They will cry until their eyes are red.  They will weep so loudly their children will stand outside the door and ask if they are alright.

And then, with the sound of a small voice in their ears, after rubbing their eyes raw, they will look at their reflection and begin to laugh. 

They will laugh at their red eyes and their splotchy skin and they will realize that, in that short period of time, they have changed. 

And they will smile.

And then they will whisper defiantly to their own reflection:

I am me.  

 www.bestbathroombooks.com

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About bestbathroombooks

I run a small publishing company and am presently seeking the funniest, coolest and most marketable ideas to sell in places like Urban Outfitters, Papyrus, college bookstores and independent bookstores in the Humor Sections. Contact me through this blog or better at www.bestbathroombooks.com. There are some talented people out there writing good, funny, conceptual books and blogging some funny stuff. I wish I had time to read more and write more. I have a day gig and do a lot of other things, but blogging helps me stay connected to my laptop and ensures sterility (due to EMF on my testicles) which is great because I've had enough kids. Les
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17 Responses to You Look Just Like Me

  1. J-Dub says:

    Nobody, repeat NOBODY looks like Lyle Lovett. Lyle Lovett doesn’t even look like Lyle Lovett. He looks more like a Muppet that is supposed to look like Lyle Lovett.

  2. Love the post and your site. And I totally agree with the comment above regarding Lyle! He’s one-of-a kind. Same goes for Sylvester Stallone, John Travolta and Sean Penn. They’re too quirky to have a double, yet they get hot women. Then again, they’re rich…

  3. I used to hear “You’re that lady on TV!” ALL THE TIME. Years before I actually WAS on TV. I’m not sure what show they thought I was on, but I always suspected “America’s Most Wanted.”

  4. Elyse says:

    Les, you are on a roll. This was hilarious. But I like the real you.

  5. Angie Z. says:

    You won’t believe this (oh, I guess you will), but a few weeks okay I made my husband look at your posted band video because I was so wigged out by how much you look like a friend of ours. You’ll be glad to know this friend is 34 and looks closer to the Glee guy than Willem or Lyle.

    I, too, get a lot of “you look just like this person I know”s. I’m thinking of having my face surgically altered into a large lump of clay that I could then mold to fit whatever friend someone may have.

  6. talker96 says:

    A few comments….1st, nice post.
    2. I told Willem Dafoe just last week that he looked like you…..coincidence? I think not…
    3, I’ve always believed that I have an evil Doppelganger living somewhere, to many people tell me that they’ve seen me places I haven’t been(stores, bookstores, porn shoots…the list goes on an on)
    4. That’s what those people that look like you are, evil Doppelgangers, Lyle, Glee Guy, Breast Doc, Willem….all are your evil twins. So don’t fret.
    Finally, if everyone is trying to be unique then they’re not really unique by definition, because everyone is doing it. They should all just be like me and conform to the norm…..which makes me unique.

  7. speaker7 says:

    I get that all the time….”you look exactly like Willem Defoe.” It’s either that or Ralph Fienne’s portrayal of Voldemort.

    But yes, I do actually get mistaken for other people all the time and I do not like it.

  8. Have we met?
    You’ve met me. I’ve never met you.

  9. aFrankAngle says:

    Love it … I mean the Perspectives essay – heck I listened twice as it contains nuggets that fits my look on life. (On crap!) …. In terms of your pic, you remind me of a guy who would stick David Beckham and Gummy Bear up his ass.

  10. I can always count on you to be frank.

  11. haha, i don’t know what to make of your last sentence, sir Les. you drove your point across, though… 😉 btw, you’re good looking, no puns there… but you’d have gotten two more guapo points if you’ve slept with a big-time Holywood star, haha. hope things are stirring okay. regards 😉
    – San

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