1/2 of Us Hate Your Blog

Don’t take it personally, but you’re not that popular.  Well, you are, but only with the people who think like you.  And that’s about half of them.  Since half the people reading this are already saying “I hate this guy” and clicking off to something they don’t hate, I’ll continue for the readers that are still here.

Thank you for sticking around.

Yep, this is the way it is.  Take a look at the National Polls of our two leading presidential candidates.  Here’s a perfect example of that even split.  America has finally reached the perfect yin/yang of love/hate.  It guarantees that very little gets done, also known as our Current Government.   I mean, who do you like better?

Since 50% of all people like statistics, I’d like to point out the main reasons you are half-hated:

1)      You have a mommy blog

2)      You don’t have a mommy blog

3)      You blog too much about sex

4)      Your blogs don’t have enough sex in them

5)      You blog is too high brow

6)      Your blog is too low brow

7)      You post all those stupid recipes

8)      You don’t post enough recipes and I love food

9)      Your blog isn’t funny

10)   Your blog is so funny I forgot to laugh

11)   Etc., etc., you can see where this is going because you’re the smart half of the bloggers/readers out there.

My Dad used to say, “There are two kinds of people:  The kind of people who think there are two kinds of people, and the kind that don’t.”  I think he captured it perfectly.  No two people can agree on everything.  I mean, look at Tom Cruise.

I’m fairly certain his fake smile is sincere

Let’s take another simple example.  Recently, Jennifer Aniston was voted “The Hottest Woman of All Time”.  It’s comforting to know that the editors of Men’s Health weren’t over-reaching here, because they did not include other galaxies or alternate universes, only our little blue planet– and only since the Beginning of Time.

Yep, took the Time Machine back and confirmed this

So, according to Men’s Health Magazine, Jennifer Aniston is the sexiest person to ever walk the earth. Ever.

Anyone out there disagree? 

No one?

Wow, this is kind of embarrassing.  It’s the first time this has ever happened.

Once, when I was in a therapy session with my family (I would explain this to you but you might hate me) I asked the therapist:

“Why is it that sometimes I feel like, immediately upon meeting someone, they hate me?”

The therapist nodded, puffed on his pipe and stroked his beard and then said thoughtfully,

“Because you’re an asshole?”

Okay, he didn’t say that (he was only thinking it).  He said,

“People commonly associate an individual visually with someone who has caused them harm in the past, either consciously or subconsciously.  This may produce a Pavlovian response to your visage.”

“Are you,” I said, with some indignation, “referring to when I punched you in the mouth at lunch today?”

Kidding. It was an accidental elbow to his groin.

Earlier in my musical career, I was in a band in LA with a bunch of black dudes (Hi Geno).  I was the only white guy.  It was very easy to pick me out when we took photos because I was the drummer, and drummers always look different.

This is not my band. My band had six guys. I was just as easy to pick out, because of my hat.

Anyway, we’d play at nightclubs in Inglewood and I would be the only white guy in the room.  Honestly, sometimes  I think I was the only white guy within a five mile radius.  Sometimes there were people at the nightclub who didn’t like me.  Before I got the sh*t beat out of me, my bandmates would explain who I was.   I had to comfort myself in the knowledge that it wasn’t me.

It was my stupid white skin.

So this is how it goes.

Sometimes people have belief systems that don’t support your presence or input.  Don’t worry about it.  Half the people exposed to you may hate you for no good reason, but it doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of people out there who think you’re a pretty funky drummer.

Another musician, John Mayer (I know, half of you can’t stand him) wrote a song called Belief with these lyrics:

We’re never gonna win the world
We’re never gonna stop the war
We’re never gonna beat this
If belief is what we’re fighting for

The entire lyrics to this song are amazing (even if you can’t stand John Mayer).  If you don’t want to listen to the song, take 30 seconds and Google the lyrics.  Amazing.

People have ingrained belief systems, just as they have preferences for who the hottest sexual partner is.  John Mayer used to date Jennifer Aniston (and thought she was the hottest thing on the planet), but now she hates him.

Will it help if I tell you that you’re going to hate me pretty soon?

The point is, trying to change someone else’s beliefs almost never works.  The only thing you can do is build on the beliefs you have in common.  This will help them to hate you less, and vice versa.

So there are minds that can’t be changed.  You can yell as loud as you want to.  You can write blogs about how stupid everyone else is.  But half the people won’t agree with you no matter what.

You have every right to express yourself.  Even if half the people hate your guts.

So let’s be happy there are people out there who do like you.  I mean, I like you.  In fact, I love you.

Hell, I’d be you if I could. 

But I have to be me and sometimes I hate myself for it.

About half the time.

And now an Original Music Video from the Author!

About bestbathroombooks

I run a small publishing company and am presently seeking the funniest, coolest and most marketable ideas to sell in places like Urban Outfitters, Papyrus, college bookstores and independent bookstores in the Humor Sections. Contact me through this blog or better at www.bestbathroombooks.com. There are some talented people out there writing good, funny, conceptual books and blogging some funny stuff. I wish I had time to read more and write more. I have a day gig and do a lot of other things, but blogging helps me stay connected to my laptop and ensures sterility (due to EMF on my testicles) which is great because I've had enough kids. Les
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32 Responses to 1/2 of Us Hate Your Blog

  1. Elyse says:

    Very entertaining. And, personally, I only hate you half the time — those times when I open your posts at the office … oops…

  2. El Guapo says:

    Pretty sure Mayer is hated more than half the time.
    Just sayin.

  3. Angie Z. says:

    Fantastic post, Les. Really good.

    Here’s something about 50% related to this post and 50% unrelated to this post: I read that one of the major reasons for the extreme divisiveness of our country right now is that we now have hundreds of “news” sources perfectly suited to our belief system. So we’re getting our “news” from places that tell us exactly what we want to hear and we no longer have to willingly listen to the angles of the other side. Isn’t that awesome? Well, at least 50% awesome. The other 50% of this is that we’re doomed to live a horrible existence going forward.

    • Oh yeah. Every Google click is a vote for what we like. Search engines are tailored to your loves. Every letter you type into a search engine is catologued. So you’re dead on, Angie. We like to listen to what we already believe. It soothes the brain but doesn’t save the world.

  4. Part of me loves this post and part of me hates it. My personalities don’t always get along.

  5. GingerSnaap says:

    Gosh, no one has EVER wanted to BE me before.

    Ginger likes you, and Snaap likes you, so that means 2/3 of me like you. The other 1/3 hasn’t decided yet, but we will put in a good word for you.

  6. I think that’s how most people feel about all my posts. Even I hate half of them.

  7. Ok, count me in as part of the 50% of people who love/don’t hate your blog. And for the record, you’re exactly right…I hate Mayer and like Anniston, but I just can’t figure out Cruise, so I think I’m part of the 99.9% that probably agree. No comment on the candidates. I don’t want to piss off half the country.

    Great post. This is something I’ve got to accept as a blogger–to quit being concerned about those who hate me. If you worry about that too much, you become bland.

  8. I like your comment (do not hate it at all). I agree with you–you can’t worry at all about whether people like you or not because so much is out of your control. Just be who you are, choose your subject matter and go with it. You may be the only one who loves it, but at least someone does.
    PS-I hate half my posts anyway.

  9. speaker7 says:

    I loved this post although it could have had a touch more mommyblogness.

    I will say that you are right on about people’s belief systems. The trouble is many people’s belief systems are built on complete fiction (could be like this for 100 percent of us?) and so it’s become ever harder to come to a common ground.

    These are the people who hate my blog. Even my posts with all the sex and recipes.

    • Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! You nailed it. That’s the trick. How do you reason with people who believe dinosaurs and humans walked the earh at the same time? Or think we are born from aliens? Or that someone died for all of our sins? Or that we get a bunch of virgins? Or our own planet to rule over? Or that we should poke at someone’s eye?
      People will always believe what they want. I try to find something we have in common, like a good cup of coffee. Then I try to help them see how everyone else isn’t the devil.

  10. H.E. ELLIS says:

    Hold onto your hat, Les. I’ve got one for you.

    Up until about three years ago I was very attractive. Back then nobody liked me, my sisters hated me, every female friend I tried to make was convinced I wanted to steal her husband or boyfriend. Then I got sick. Really sick. Once I didn’t look so good people all of a sudden seemed to like me, even though I was the same person they didn’t like before.

    While I was sick I wrote a book and started a blog where people who couldn’t see me seemed to like me. Now that I am beginning to look good again I worry that if people see me, they won’t like me anymore. Hence, no photos of me on my blog. How’s that for fucked up?

    • That is an awesome story, not fu*ked up at all (except the part where you got really sick) and actually subject matter for growth on so many levels. You’ve already proved that you’re likeable anonymously. So that’s confirmed. The fact that you looked good and you’re going to look good again? How often does that happen? People tend to get uglier. You keep getting more beautiful inside and out? Unbelievable.
      I guess the point of this blog is, Fu*k it. You just have to be who you are. If someone doesn’t like you, who the fu*k cares. Someone is ALWAYS going to think I’m an A-hole. I finally figured out that it doesn’t matter. Because for every person who doesn’t like me (or you) there’s another one who does.
      I’m glad you’re getting better. Awesome!

  11. hello, bestbathroombooks,

    i really like this post, sans the percentages… love John Mayer’s music, hate the guy 50% of the time. love Jennifer Aniston’s personality, hate the fact that she’s declared the Hottest Woman, haha (i used to watch reruns of Friends) ^^

    am not sure about the 50% hating my blog. for all i know, not even 1% knows it exists, lols! ^^
    regards and cheers! 🙂

  12. aFrankAngle says:

    Alright, I laughed at half of this by only reading every other word. Yet, when I read the other half backwards, I wondered if Paul was really dead. On the other hand, once you see my recent post (already posted before visiting), it’s hard to believe that both of these posts mentioned you as a drummer. http://afrankangle.wordpress.com/2012/03/18/on-a-flashback-for-monday/

    • Frank! Thanks, Man. I like your comment. I have not read this post backwards, but I know it has something to do with the Devil. That’s the HATE half. The LOVE half is, I think, getting down with Hugh Hefner After Dark on your blog. Readers, check it out!

  13. itchemeyer says:

    “I’m fairly certain his fake smile is sincere” Awesome.
    Jennifer Aniston is the hottest woman of 2002 (though, I can hear an argument for courtney cox).
    Great post btw. I didn’t read it at first because it was about 50% too long at first glance, but it paid off 🙂

  14. les says:

    Dude, know what you’re talking about with length. I don’t want my blog reading to be homework, I want it to be fun. Thanks for hanging in there.

  15. Just wondering if my odds go up because my blog is called Two Kinds of People and if it’s actually about two kinds of people? No? Didn’t think so. Thanks for this, though. It was a great post and I intend to share it.

  16. benzeknees says:

    Loved the lesson of this post – you can’t please everyone, so just stop trying & be yourself, someone out there likes you for just who you are. Too many bullied kids don’t get this message & it’s sad.

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