I’ll say it again. I love humans. I just love them.
Especially when they improve upon things. Before water was in a bottle, it was pretty hard to find that stuff. But now I can have it with me in a plastic container with a label and a cap while I’m on my electronic treadmill–which is a great improvement over having to walk or run and then find out that I’m really far away from my water bottle.
Let’s dive right in and see the genius of humanity. I’m hoping they invent a pill that will keep me from crying at the marvelous human mind. I know they will.
Here’s the first sign. I apologize for how dumb it is. It only has four letters. It’s probably difficult for many of you to understand what’s going to happen on the road by this ridiculous attempt at signage.
This one’s better. At least it has a drawing of a bump, which I think is an improvement. It points to where the bump is, in case you aren’t sure where it is (it’s at the bottom of this sign). I think maybe it’s a special kind of bump, because I get tingly in the groin when I see this sign. I can’t wait to get to the bump, but I’m still a little dissatisfied. I wish there was a little bit more explanation so I’d know what was coming up.
This sign is better. This lets me know what type of bump it is–a speed bump–which is very useful to me. It has a picture too, and knowing what kind of bump is coming up helps me alot (as opposed to all the other bumps that are out there).
I see this one when I go into gated communities with all the rich people. Rich people don’t have bumps in the road. They have undulations. They don’t fu*k either. They fornicate.
When I first saw this sign, I didn’t understand it. But when I got back from college with my Ph.D. in Linguistics, I understood it perfectly. This sign is one of my favorites, because it uses six syllables where one was used up there where that stupid sign only used four letters.
This is one that I didn’t photograph. It’s from somewhere quaint or in Europe, where people like to make metaphors. I like the idea that we’re now up to nine syllables, and I also like the idea of running over real policeman who are sleeping. I think that’s an excellent mental image, but I think they could improve it if it said:
“Caution, Everyone. There are Sleeping Newborn Babies Spread Out all Over the Road.”
I think people would really slow down then. Don’t you?