I’ll say it again. I love humans. I just love them.
Especially when they improve upon things. Before water was in a bottle, it was pretty hard to find that stuff. But now I can have it with me in a plastic container with a label and a cap while I’m on my electronic treadmill–which is a great improvement over having to walk or run and then find out that I’m really far away from my water bottle.
Let’s dive right in and see the genius of humanity. I’m hoping they invent a pill that will keep me from crying at the marvelous human mind. I know they will.
Here’s the first sign. I apologize for how dumb it is. It only has four letters. It’s probably difficult for many of you to understand what’s going to happen on the road by this ridiculous attempt at signage.
This one’s better. At least it has a drawing of a bump, which I think is an improvement. It points to where the bump is, in case you aren’t sure where it is (it’s at the bottom of this sign). I think maybe it’s a special kind of bump, because I get tingly in the groin when I see this sign. I can’t wait to get to the bump, but I’m still a little dissatisfied. I wish there was a little bit more explanation so I’d know what was coming up.
This sign is better. This lets me know what type of bump it is–a speed bump–which is very useful to me. It has a picture too, and knowing what kind of bump is coming up helps me alot (as opposed to all the other bumps that are out there).
I like this one because it makes me cautious. I actually hover my foot over the brake when I see this one, just to be cautious.
I see this one when I go into gated communities with all the rich people. Rich people don’t have bumps in the road. They have undulations. They don’t fu*k either. They fornicate.
When I first saw this sign, I didn’t understand it. But when I got back from college with my Ph.D. in Linguistics, I understood it perfectly. This sign is one of my favorites, because it uses six syllables where one was used up there where that stupid sign only used four letters.
This is one that I didn’t photograph. It’s from somewhere quaint or in Europe, where people like to make metaphors. I like the idea that we’re now up to nine syllables, and I also like the idea of running over real policeman who are sleeping. I think that’s an excellent mental image, but I think they could improve it if it said:
“Caution, Everyone. There are Sleeping Newborn Babies Spread Out all Over the Road.”
I think people would really slow down then. Don’t you?
bestbathroombooks 
I LOVE undulations. I will keep my eyes peeled for that sign.
There’s a great one around my church. “Slow children speedbumps.” I guess that’s what happens to the naughty children.
That’s great. Can you take a pic and post if you get a chance? I’d love that in the comments box.
For some strange reason I keep returning to the second pic.
BTW … I mentioned you here … http://afrankangle.wordpress.com/2012/01/12/opinions-in-the-shorts-vol-123/
I’m with you Frank. I could go over those bumps a few times. Thanks for the mention!
I find those signs very helpful. I would find it more helpful if someone would put up a sign that says: “This is a road” so I would remember what I’m driving on and I would likely stop driving on lawns and sleeping policemen.
I know. I drive on sidewalks all the time, but only because there are no signs to tell me otherwise.
As a new father I am shocked you would suggest speed bumps made of newborn babies. Now, speed bumps made of teenagers? That I could get behind.
You know I meant alien babies, right Mantra? (I mean from another planet).
Love this post… I followed a link to your blog from H.E. Ellis’s blog. Glad I clicked on the trophy. 🙂
That H.E.
I gotta go see that. I noticed I got a lot of referrals. She’s the best. Thanks, D. I will be checking out thedailywoman!
I love the undulations sign. I think some people would probably crash trying to make sure they read that correctly. I also think a large portion of the population wouldn’t have a clue what that means.
I absolutely only see that sign in gated communities. The rich will not have bumps.
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Sincere thanks for the link. I can’t believe how intense your blog is–kind of intimidating, but excellent.
I laughed out loud when I saw the second sign…and that you couldn’t wait to get that bump. Signs can be so lame. With that, I feel it’d be appropriate to close with Tesla’s unplugged version of “Signs” circa 1991. It reminds me of signs and lameness. http://youtu.be/gklM1AiZX0s
Nice. I know the drummer–Troy Luccketta–in that band. He’s a Bay Area boy. We went to traffic school together. Name Dropper!
Thanks for the link. Love it.
Ha! I swear I almost bashed on them but stopped short out of fear that you might know one of them, i.e the keyboardist from Nelson. I wasn’t going to bash on their music as I recall really loving it. More just bashing on “old” stuff like I normally do. I do recall that their sound is rather timeless and not as dated-sounding as most of the music to come out of that era.
Hey Angie, don’t pull your punches! If you think they suck, or a song sucks or something I post or sing sucks, PLEASE say so. I don’t want to be “that guy” on American Idol who’s horrible but his parents always told him he was great, and then he has to be in front of millions of people before Simon tells him he sucks. I don’t have ANY Tesla records.
The other thing I’m learning from politics is that 50% of the people hate you anyway.
I hope I’ve lifted your spirits!
I promise I will, Les. But not entirely. I’m from the Midwest where being nice is in our bloodstream and we’ll sometimes be nice even if it causes ulcers to fester inside our stomachs until they finally kill us.
I don’t feel strongly enough about Tesla one way or the other to state an opinion. Now if you were talkin’ Color Me Badd, I’d tell you they suck donkeys and so does anyone who thinks otherwise.
Did I do okay? 🙂
Hmm. Don’t really know how to enter an image here. Here’s an attempt with a tinypic URL.
[IMG]http://i44.tinypic.com/30lc413.jpg[/IMG]
If you’ve been to Maui, on the road past Makana, you’ve seen this version of “Undulations.”
Man, I was just thinking “Where’s Joe?” Never would have guessed on Maui. I can’t get that image to go.