Well-Endowed Mannequins and Security Cameras

Um, Okay.

I saw this today as I was leaving the Labrynthine Bowels of a Condo Complex.  One of my goals in life is to write signs like this.  I decided to write a few of my own, just to try out my Mad Sign Writing Skills.

Notice to Criminals:

This area is under camera surveillance.  We are only filming you in case you do something  funny.  We mean youtube funny.

Notice Residents:

We have installed security cameras on premises.  Okay, maybe “Security Cameras” is a misnomer.  How about “Useless Boxes with Lenses”?

Notice Criminals: 

These aren’t even cameras.  We spray painted a shoebox black and glued a silver bottlecap on the end of it.

Notice Residents:

We want you to feel at home, so we installed cameras that will look away while you’re being assaulted, just like your neighbors.

Notice Criminals:

Yeah, we don’t even really have any cameras or anything.  Have a nice day.

 

We also went away for the weekend.  We visited a store that had a mannequin that looked like this:

She was wearing a tee-shirt for modesty.  She had nipples which stuck through the tee-shirt.  I have a problem with mannequins in general.  My wife asked me if there was a male mannequin that could be her mannequin boyfriend.  I went looking on the internet (you should try it sometime) and found this:

Is it too early into this blog to say we’re all going to hell?

Okay, I’m just kidding.  Mankind is totally headed in the right direction. 

Am I the only one creeped out by mannequins?

Les

www.bestbathroombooks.com

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About bestbathroombooks

I run a small publishing company and am presently seeking the funniest, coolest and most marketable ideas to sell in places like Urban Outfitters, Papyrus, college bookstores and independent bookstores in the Humor Sections. Contact me through this blog or better at www.bestbathroombooks.com. There are some talented people out there writing good, funny, conceptual books and blogging some funny stuff. I wish I had time to read more and write more. I have a day gig and do a lot of other things, but blogging helps me stay connected to my laptop and ensures sterility (due to EMF on my testicles) which is great because I've had enough kids. Les
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12 Responses to Well-Endowed Mannequins and Security Cameras

  1. speaker7 says:

    The answer to your last question is no.
    That Twilight Zone episode where the mannequins come to life is based on fact. I will prove it once I install a security camera and a sign saying “Notice: this area is under surveillance camera. The surveillance is not for security purposes but to see if mannequins come to life when people are not around.”

  2. Yes! I saw that one. I loved Twighlight Zone. Maybe you could write a screenplay that has Twilight becoming Twightlight Zone, and Edward and um Krirsten Stewart could be frozen and then pushed off the 13th floor.
    Les

  3. joem18b says:

    Sure, a lot of mannequins are creepy, but so are a lot of people. You just need to find one you can be comfortable with, if you know what I mean. I myself have a rather intense relationship with a discarded Macy’s mannequin that has stumps for arms.

    “Notice: The condo pool is under camera surveillance. The surveillance is not for security purposes. (Copies of the surveillance camera tapes are available in the condo office for $50/tape.)

  4. Thanks Joe. I actually found some pretty awesome mannequins when searching “well-endowed mannequins”. I’m getting ready to ask my wife if we can have a menage a mannequin.
    Les

  5. Bella says:

    Les, if it’s any consolation, a lot of mannequins look better than humans. I’m just sayin’! Still chuckling over those signs you’ve created regarding the security cameras. The one about the neighbors is definitely my favorite. 🙂

  6. Angie Z. says:

    I can’t believe no one here brought up the 1987 movie Mannequin (Kim Cattrall, Andrew McCarthy). A disturbing horror flick that was marketed as a rom-com. You’ll be pleased to know there is a sequel available on DVD.

    The Brits’ signs are always amusing in that they are insanely polite and ultra-wordy:

    We regret to inform you that we have installed security cameras on the premises that you will see here before you. We offer our sincerest apologies for the inconvenience of having to read this sign about something that will have virtually no effect on your safety and/or happiness in life. Thank you.

  7. Great sign! I’ve got to get over to London. I heard they have more security cameras than (really funny metaphor for a lot of stuff).
    Les

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