Weird Human Tricks

Case Closed.

Because I’m a logical person, I think we can all agree the best place to start with Human Weirdness is dreadlocks on white people.

It’s true–dirty, matted clumps of hair hanging off a human head are indeed sexy.  No doubt, on women or men, the look of a shredded Welcome mat pasted to one’s dome brings forth a surge of tingly feelings in most everyone’s nether regions.  The fact that this amazingly gorgeous person is white only adds to his/her allure.

But even with all this sexiness going on, I think it’s weird that these dreadlocked white people almost always smell like patchouli oil.  Isn’t that weird? You’d think with their dirty matted hair, they’d smell like a 1956 Chevy Impala owned by a couple whose two children had motion sickness and constantly threw up in the back seat.  But no.  They smell like patchouli oil.

It’s just plain weird.

Secondly, because I want this to be an all-encompassing compendium of all Human Weirdness, I’d like to point out something I’ve witnessed time and time again, whilst (yes, I said whilst) watching TV.

I notice that when there is a field reporter out on assignment and the anchor in the studio is setting up the lead-in to the story, the field reporter nods the entire time the anchor is talking, as if by nodding, we are acutely aware that the field reporter has heard and understands every word that the anchor has said.  I think they teach this in Field Reporter on TV school.  (I would cut and paste a video example of this if I was a Versatile Blogger, but I’m just not that versatile.)  So you’re going to have to do your own research on this.

But I think we can all agree the teaching of Head Nodding 101 is weird.

And the third, and I think most conclusive proof that Humans are Weird (and give permission to Universities around the world to use this article as the basis for Studies of Human Weirdness) is that I’m not quite sure whether or not the sign below is supposed to have an apostrophe. 

I guess it means there are many Popeyes.  I thought there was only one Popeye, and that his nephews (who look suspiciously exactly like him) were not named Popeye.  It would comfort me if Popeye’s was the name of the restaurant, which is filled with dreadlocked white people and nodding reporters and people who confuse plural vs. possessive forms of a noun.

So I think we can all agree this is probably the most comprehensive article every written on Human Weirdness, and also my best chance at a Pulitzer.

(By the way, Yosemite with no computer was awesome).

Thanks

www.bestbathroombooks.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWj2pJzIqsc

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About bestbathroombooks

I run a small publishing company and am presently seeking the funniest, coolest and most marketable ideas to sell in places like Urban Outfitters, Papyrus, college bookstores and independent bookstores in the Humor Sections. Contact me through this blog or better at www.bestbathroombooks.com. There are some talented people out there writing good, funny, conceptual books and blogging some funny stuff. I wish I had time to read more and write more. I have a day gig and do a lot of other things, but blogging helps me stay connected to my laptop and ensures sterility (due to EMF on my testicles) which is great because I've had enough kids. Les
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4 Responses to Weird Human Tricks

  1. joem18b says:

    heres a link to one of nbcs news stories with an actual white guy with dreadlocks nodding as he listens:

    http://www.nbcsnewstories.reporter/nods

  2. speaker7 says:

    I most curious to learn about Popeye’s'”‘”s Cajun flavor since they’s advertise as “Cajun Our Way.” I would imagine it is delicious and if there was a news story about it, the field reporter would nod enthusiastically while the anchor explained how more Cajuney it is than Blutos’s’

    On a completely separate sidenote, I discovered the most amazing blog and I have a feeling you would also enjoy it: http://childhoodrelived.com/

  3. “Our way” always scares me.
    Thanks for the heads-up. I’m checking it out
    Les

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