The Best Piece of Advice I Ever Gave my Kids

Children simply want your Love

As a parent, many of us wonder if we’re doing the right thing.  As someone with two successful children, I thought I’d share my advice for those of you bringing up the little crumb snatchers.  A brief background about my kids (the same stuff I type out on dark green paper and enclose with our Christmas cards)—my daughter is a thoracic surgeon, a long-distance swimmer (she just swam from Alaska to the tip of Africa) and holds the Guinness Book of World Records for playing non-stop violin.  My son is an astronaut, a Gold Medal holding javelin thrower and just invented a vaccine for Turretts.

Though my wife and I rode them like Mexican donkeys their entire life, there was one piece of advice I gave both of them, and I’ll sum it up thusly:

“Children,” I said, “you can do anything.  Anything!  It’s all based on motivation.  You want to learn to play the flugelhorn?  You want to write a book?  You want to write at least one good blog someday?

Well, you can.

Because motivation is all you need.

If I, as your father, were to hold a gun to your head and demand that you learn something, well by golly you would.  Why?  Because you’d be motivated.  You’d want to do whatever it was because your life depended upon it.  Given the choice, you’d rather be successful than have a bullet pass through your brain.

So the simple piece of advice I bestowed upon my children was understood.

Motivation is the key.

Since that time, both of my children, independently of one another, took out contracts on themselves with Vinnie the Hammer.  They have not looked back since.  Vinnie was not cheap, but it’s not easy to be a thoracic surgeon or an astronaut, now is it?

When you see my smiling face on the cover of this month’s Parenting magazine, remember this simple piece of advice.  Maybe someday your kids will be as successful as mine.

But I doubt it.

About bestbathroombooks

I run a small publishing company and am presently seeking the funniest, coolest and most marketable ideas to sell in places like Urban Outfitters, Papyrus, college bookstores and independent bookstores in the Humor Sections. Contact me through this blog or better at There are some talented people out there writing good, funny, conceptual books and blogging some funny stuff. I wish I had time to read more and write more. I have a day gig and do a lot of other things, but blogging helps me stay connected to my laptop and ensures sterility (due to EMF on my testicles) which is great because I've had enough kids. Les
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4 Responses to The Best Piece of Advice I Ever Gave my Kids

  1. Maxim says:

    Totally gonna threaten my kids with gun violence to get them motivated.

  2. WildMan says:

    I knew a man who figured up how many kids there were in American and then how many chances there would be for them to become President and he proved that it was mathematically impossible for all the kids to become president, so kids cannot be anything they want to be.

  3. Another piece of advice I gave my kids was:
    Never believe the mathematicians.

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