What Men Really Think About Women

This is a great title I stole from Cosmopolitan.  They’ve had a version of this on every one of their covers since (insert date of first issue).

Hold onto your seats, Women.  We’re going to climb into the “pulling our own personal opinions out of our ass and passing them off as an article” train, and it’s going to be fun.  But first, because I often speak for all men everywhere on a variety of subjects, let me answer a question that has been plaguing women since the beginning of time:

What Do Men Really want in Bed? (I also got this one off the Cosmo cover from 1965-2011).


A Woman.  (For gay men, it’s a man.)

But let’s get back to the subject, which is phrased like this:

What Men Really Think about Women

Really?  Not what men think, but what they really think?  Oh, that’s a totally different thing.  Because men think a lot, but we only secretly really think, especially about women.  So here’s what we really think:

We’d like to have sex with you.

Sorry Men.  The cat’s out of the bag.  You said I could speak for all of you, and now you’re mad that I let the biggest secret out of the bag since the fact that we also like beer.  OOPS!  Sorry guys.  I might have crossed the line with that one.  I may have just loosened one of the Pillars of the Earth.  (Isn’t Ken Follett great?)

I know this seems incredible, but it’s true.  This is what we really think.  Unless we’re gay, and then we think you are pretty cool most of the time, but we wonder why you don’t just go grab some guy’s crotch if you think he’s so hot.

Breathe deeply.  Try not to panic.  I know that I have rocked your world.  I know that you will never look at men the same way ever, ever again.  I know that many of you women thought we were thinking—I mean really thinking-thinking about other, more important stuff.  We weren’t.  We were thinking about having sex with you.

And now, as I look outside the window, I see a quorum of men (which means four 2/3 million) gathering to burn me at the stake.

But I did this for you.  I had to tell you and all the other women What Men Really think about Women.

My work is done.


PS-Here’s my latest video.  The Perfect Dinner is Delicious.  Enjoy.



About bestbathroombooks

I run a small publishing company and am presently seeking the funniest, coolest and most marketable ideas to sell in places like Urban Outfitters, Papyrus, college bookstores and independent bookstores in the Humor Sections. Contact me through this blog or better at www.bestbathroombooks.com. There are some talented people out there writing good, funny, conceptual books and blogging some funny stuff. I wish I had time to read more and write more. I have a day gig and do a lot of other things, but blogging helps me stay connected to my laptop and ensures sterility (due to EMF on my testicles) which is great because I've had enough kids. Les
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9 Responses to What Men Really Think About Women

  1. speaker7 says:

    I speak for all women when I say this post has blown our collective mind. All these years I thought men solely thought about women’s kneecaps, and I have literally spent thousands of dollars prettying up my kneecaps as a result.

  2. You have every right to hold me responsible. Kneecaps, forgive me.

  3. joe mielke says:

    Love the video. Who’s the busboy? Amazing talent. Just look at the fingerwork.

  4. Pingback: In case I die before you read this. . . | ramblingsandrumblings

  5. sonachandi says:

    Refreshing to read that I don’t have to put on a show to get laid. Next time I think a guy’s hot, I’m going to forget sticking my chest out, the ‘catwalk’ walk and the bending-over-to-pick-some-imaginary-item-where-you-can-look-down-my-top manoeuvre. Crotch grab it is!

  6. Gray says:

    We appreciate you ones the fantastic and also academic survey. Dangerous become reviewing again in a lot of nights for some a great deal more improvements.

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