Fake stuff, for lack of a better word, is good.
For those of you who don’t know, I recently took some time off from blogging to work on my second book with partner and artist Joe Mielke. Don’t get me wrong–as the Founding Father’s rightly pointed out in the Declaration of Independence, blogging is our right and we should fight to the death for our right to talk about ourselves and bore the living shit out of everyone with tedious daily recounts of our own personal interests, especially if they include recipes and the book we’re reading right this very second! I really loved blogging as you can tell by my posts Blogging Tips!, and Demotivational Posters for Bloggers. But because blogging is in my blood, I decided to “cut my wrists” and let that blood flow into the new book, the cover of which you see above. This book is a cynical look at everything that is fake in good ol’ America, and there’s a wealth of material here Kids!
So please feel free to read my one hundred posts and comment about what an a-hole I am or agree that we are insignificant but slightly amusing Blinks of the Cosmic Eye. I will return pushing the new book Fake Stuff! And Why You Like It and try to further my stature in the publishing world with quality products that exploit buff gay eighty-year-old farmers on the moon. That is some good Fake Stuff!
Soon (2019) we will begin the FAKE THINGS, not FAKE NEWS podcast. Meanwhile
bestbathroombooks 
You sir, will be missed.
And while I’m touched that you put me on your list, You’re thinking or R.B. Hatch that wrote Harem Master. While I’d love to take credit, too easy for that to bite my ass on the net.
Take care of yourself. If you’re ever in NYC (do people really live in Canada?), drop me a line. We can go grab that beer.
And if we meet again, we shall smile. But if not, then this parting was well made… (or something.)
Ooops! I fixed it. Sorry Guap. Yes, if I’m up your way, I will definitely give you a call. (If it’s before the end….of this year).
What?? I don’t understand. You’re a very entertaining blogger.
And thanks for plugging my book. I’m gonna miss your blogs!!
I gotta write some books and other stuff. Just like you!
Gotcha’. Blogging does take a lot of time. I hope you still check my blog. I love reading your comments.
I knew it was coming, but it didn’t make it an easier. Good luck in the real world, Les. I will be staying here for a little while longer until my ass commingles with my chair and creates a new hybrid of human called “Hu-chair” (I woulda thought of something better if I didn’t have writer’s block. Where’s a @#%!^ pillow when you need it?)
I enjoyed this blog. I liked the toilet stuff and the vagina stuff and the penis puppetry. I liked the supermodel on the toilet and the soliloquies to Newt Gingrich’s giant head and ego.
It won’t be as much fun without you.
You are just one of the funniest bloggers out there. Really. There’s no one else that has the skewed, sarcastic, self-deprecating, saber sharp vibe that you have. I hope that you find a new great place to live and don’t have to take too many of your prized possessions to the dump.
You are awesome.
*sniff sniff*
Thanks Les for including me on your list! I don’t deserve it, but Thank You!
I don’t think I am E.H., but ADHD makes me forgetful and stuff, so maybe I am.
I will miss you and your fun-nee-nessss!
Good Luck to you- I’ll be thinking of you while I am tweeting from the swingset!
I will miss you too. Your personality shines through for sure. Good luck in the ‘sphere.
I WILL NOT “LIKE” THIS POST. Nope. I won’t. I won’t believe it, either, Les. I’m counting on you coming back, when you need to plunge some depths that do not lead directly to a septic system.
I do hope that you are taking a break, and that you will be back before too long. You can spend the summer with your wife.
But this fall? I want to find some obscenely named posts in my email box that, if I open them at work, will result in my immediate dismissal. I am counting on it.
Best of luck, Les. And thanks for the fun. But come back. Auntie Emmmmm. Come baaaaccckkkkk
Elyse
PS. Thanks for the shout out. Yours was one of the first blogs I followed and it has been a blast.
Thanks Elyse. I enjoyed my time on the web, but I’m too easily distracted. So good luck to you!
One good thing: less posts with genitalia popping up in my “Reader” feed. Good luck, end of line.
Les-
You’re leaving?! This is my first experience with blog death. And it stings. I know there will be a lot of people who will miss you and your blog. I’m glad you’ll be having fun with other projects though.
Oh and when you say you’ve been lazy about reading and commenting on blogs, I have to disagree. You seem to have done pretty well at keeping up, which I know is quite a feat. Did you know you were my first follower? Yep, you were.
Oh, and I think it’s noble of you to peace out when you know it’s time rather than writing 100 “I have writer’s block” posts.
Come back to visit us every now and then!
Carly
Didn’t know I was your first follower. I’m at the head of the pack of thousands now I suppose. I love your pics and your voice. Have fun!
I know I’ve been absent lately, mostly due (like yourself) to real life intruding. But I have been reading, if not responding, and you WILL be missed. Though I truly believe that reality is a crutch for those who can’t handle sci-fi, SOMEBODY has to keep reality’s lights on, and I’m sick of the job, so I gladly turn it over to you. Just be sure to give it a good kick, down in the lower left corner by the blue box, about once every two weeks. That should keep it running as smoothly as it ever will.
And I’ll be sure to keep the Internet hopping, in between bouts of reality. Because, as Adam Savage says, “I reject your reality, and substitute my own”. 😀
Fair winds and Godspeed, my friend.
Hey John. You’re one of the bloggers/commenters that I think I mixed up with someone else early on (someone with idiot in their blog title) and I probably unintentionally insulted you. Yep, that’s me in the blog world. Not the most suave. But you always have good comments and you’re obviously a Mensa member. Thanks for reading. And I totally agree with you about reality…..
If you confused me with Mark over at “The Idiot Speaketh”, then you have paid me a high compliment indeed! And thanks for the intended compliments, as well. If I get the spare time, I’m gonna lobby Congress for another couple hours a day, so we won’t have to lose you – and that maybe, just maybe, I can finally get my own blog off the ground! 😉
I’m going to miss you,hon. I enjoyed being your “guilty pleasure” 🙂
Take care of yourself and stop around, please!
Thanks, Gillian. Much success. You kill “Shades of Gray”. Make a million.
Wow! Thank you!
This feels like back when I was working at a shitty job and then some lucky skunk would quit to take a much better job and then we’d all sit around talking over nauseating blue-frosted cake about how we’ll miss them when all the while what we’re really thinking is, “You suck. You think you’re better than us? Why can’t it be me, you stupid asshole.” Just like that except the part about you sucking and calling you an asshole.
I think I need to get outta here too.
Thank you for your kind words about how I remind you of a kitten sleeping in a teacup. Really, I’ll miss your posts a lot. See you in the funny papers.
No, that’s okay. You can call me an asshole. But I think you’re good at blogging, so do it as long as you enjoy it. I really do want to do some other writing and get the company going. I will check in and watch all of you become famous while I sit in a small room with one light bulb write and suffer.
Doesn’t it sound great?
Your Analyisis of the pressing albeit random issues will be missed bob 😦 . Hope you kill it with the the real world bit….. Whatever that hyped up shit’s all about anyways…..
It is just hyped up shit. There’s no way it could be more important than blogging.
Thanks Rant!
I love reading your blogs and you will be missed!
Thanks David!
You will be missed! I love your writing and very saddened to hear this news.
No, really! Thanks David!
I’m only a recent-ish convert but I’m gonna miss your posts, genuinely has me in stitches. Still, I’ve got all your old posts to read, don’t close it down just yet!
Damned real life getting in the way, I’m lucky I mainly blog on work time so it never interferes.
Take it easy!
JH-It was fun reading you as well. Give me a holler if you’re ever in SF!
To counter Elyse not clicking the Like button, I will because of my appreciation of your work here and your visits to my little corner. You have one of the best senses of humor, and if airfare wasn’t so damn crazy, I’d be on my way to meet at Capp’s Corner. Hey … if you ever go before I get there, I will want to hear what you thought.
My next glass of wine will include a toast to you! Best wishes to you and thank you!
Thanks Frank! I haven’t unfollowed you yet. I’m not a great multi-tasker or quick enough mind to keep this going without my other work suffering. So I will say so long but not goodbye. Keep ringing the bells and peeling the onion.
I hope your absence is due to you moving on to bigger and better things. I’ll be sure to remember you as I write my book about drag queens. I’m thinking there’s a spot for “Les The Great” in there somewhere…
Deal,H.E. I will write you into my next book, but you’re going to have to figure out which character your are. I’ve got two more humor books in the works and I really want to write a novel (my sixth!).
As Gingersnaap says, “SA-WEET!” As for a real-world Hellis character I will tell you this: I’m all Salma on the outside, but all Rickles on the inside. Good luck with that, Les!
I can work with that.
Thanks for 100 great reads though I was late to the game so I didn’t read all 100 of them but the ones I read were terrific. Your blog is one of the ones that always made me smile just by seeing an email telling me there was something new to read by you, and the actual reading of the post usually made me LOL out loud as Mr. Monk liked to say. All the best to you and all of your undertakings though not in a funeral undertaking sense of the word but in a things you take on sense of the word which makes me wonder why we don’t say ontakings instead of undertakings.
Again, thanks, so long, farewell, ’til we meet again, aufiderzein (I think I was just redundant in German)!
Congrats and Well Done on your Centennial Blog, Les! Your Farewell is da’ END of all ends. Scrotums and Vajayjays aside, your posts were dripping with juicy tidbits, bold insights and sparkling magnifications of life’s minutae. You write like a fu*king ***** chef. I hope that you derived as much pleasure feeding us feasters these 100 feasts as we did from satiating our munchies off your silver palate. Love the parting shot – hey, that same butt (my personal favorite) still hangs over our tolilet!
LOVE your “Bleedin’” song and video! And thank you for the shout out. So glad your words will live on in the blogosphere. Enjoy your future creations and lots more make-out sessions with your purdy wife when she’s done textin’ and replyin’ to e-mail on her smart-ass phone. Yay Yay Yay to seeing y’all in September!!!! Love ((( : ) Lez
Word, Lez. Wine country.
The Actual END is after September, right????? (Just want to make sure we get in one more vacation before the next big Bang…)
😦 You never really know what someone thinks about you till the end *sniff*. I just wish you were still alive Les, so i could tell you one last time how retarded you are. (I’m allowed to use the word because I’m friends with you.)
And I agree, this whole place is going to hell fast without you here.
As f*cking usual, you made me laugh. So you lose. I will buy something off your website as soon as I figure out what you’re selling.
😉 It’s that bad, huh? Man, I’m gonna lose my pants on this thing. Do you have any advice for me?
WHAT THE FUCK BBB, why are you leaving us?! Or was there some irony in this that I missed?? To be honest I got bored halfway through and skipped down to the bit where you spoke about how awesome I am ❤ umm thanks! 😉
THAT”S what I’m going to miss. The total honesty and proud narcissism. You are awesome. You are behind in dates though. You better get on the phone.
I hope you will still stop by and say hello sometimes. I will definitely miss you and your blog. I’m only a little behind on dates, some were too boring to even write about so I just skipped them completely. Good luck with your writing and everything!! Hope it goes well for you 🙂
Aww. FTG . You have a heart under all that swag. Yes, I will stop by and make sure you’re doing alright!
“And bloggers only kill people when they write terrible blogs and the people reading them kill themselves.” – btw, in this post, you sound like a religious guy, lols! you seem to know the last sacrament really well…^^ i wonder where your pair of pants is gonna end… are you really retiring, WP must have paid you too much, eh? 😉
35–Well, I’m not too religious. Just mindful of my time, which I need for other things. I don’t know where my pants are going to end (?) and YES, WordPress paid me to leave!
am going back here from time to time, anyway… ^^ best of luck with your activities. get yourself drunk a little more often, huh?! and mind the missus. 😉 warm regards.
Thanks 35. You enjoy life too!
Wow! Obviously I haven’t been payin’ good attention, cuz this IS a surprise to me… believe it or not, yours was one of the first blogs I followed, once I put up my shingle and turned the sign around to “open”. I’m actually following you (no, I don’t think I’m a stalker??) on youtube, so maybe I’ll see you around there. Or your site. I can’t think of anything else, so I’m gonna flush now…
from one semi-colon (me) to one cool colon (YOU), hope all will be well with you, Les… you’re one of the good-ass colons!!!
😉
🙂
Thanks BuddhaKat! You are sending good vibes on my way on my way out of the bloglife. I may come back in a different ‘carnation, maybe as a different kind of ahole. Keep kicking.
Pingback: Friday Foolishness – Immortal Edition | Guapola
Hey just just nominated you for the “One Love Blog” Award http://showyourmind.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/nominated-for-one-lovely-blog-award/
Hate to see you swirl round the bowl, but will be looking for the next books on your site, right?
Red.
Thanks Red. You’re right. I may try to promote the next book, but it will be under a different blog moniker as the subject matter will be different. I really want to work on the company website and improve it along with other working other projects, and the blogging was just sucking my time. Hope you’re writing and life are all good! Thanks for reading.
hello, bbb… happy yuletide season to you and to yours. may December and winter bring you cheers and find you warmth. all the best… 🙂 ~San